IHMEB - Chapter 199 < Emotional Awareness >




“She’s not coming.”

He had expected that to happen.

“Haha... Haa.”

The empty laughter ended with a sigh.

‘Why on earth did you resist Madame Cronach so much?’

If Claudel found out that the baby was alive and had no choice but to return to Rowen, he wouldn’t be able to bear it because he thought she would only live for the baby and not take care of him.

‘How can I think that crazy?’

Kaian found his own stupidity funny.

‘I should have known that a wounded woman wouldn’t come.’

Still, he had something to say to Madame Cronach.

He told her that he didn’t know how a woman felt, but she couldn’t figure out how her own daughter felt either.

Kaian slowly got up from his tired body.

The splendid foundation ceremony began, and cheers continued.

‘Claudel will be at the venue.’

The palace that he had frequented since he was young suddenly felt unfamiliar and awkward.

Last year, at the King's Birthday Ball, he had escorted Claudel to the ballroom, where she would be all dressed up now. At this moment, Claudel felt farther away than ever. Even when he had left because he couldn't trust her, Kaian couldn't believe that she was dead.

Even when he had received a notice of divorce, he had believed that a person's heart didn't suddenly disappear.

'I have to tell her that our baby is alive.'

He hadn't even had the chance.

As long as Claudel was staying in the palace, she was a hostage.

If he had tried to convey the information through people or letters, Count Makie, or Valquiterre, who had openly ordered the contractors' guild to completely destroy the baby, might have noticed. 

There was no way that the King's own private army, the capital of the kingdom, would be sufficiently equipped to fight them.

All he had brought was the escort knights that were usually allowed.

He was afraid that if he tried something rashly, she would be in danger in Valquiterre's territory.

Rather than that, he thought that it would be okay if Claudel, who was hurt because of him, was happy.

However, it was because he could not let go of his selfishness even at this point.

He was afraid to face her without being able to let her go, and he was powerless and regretful because he had brought her here by force, even under the pretense of being a child.

“...Claudel.”

The name that he thought he would never be able to call again lingered in his mouth.

Kaian, who had been unable to make up his mind for a moment, left the bookshelf with a stern face.

The hallway in the royal lounge was empty, unlike when he had come earlier, perhaps because all the people in the palace were focused on the ball.

‘It might be the last time.’

He wanted to see her smile, even just once.

Kaian, who had made up his mind, walked toward where Claudel would be.

***

I fiddled with the small folded paper in my hand.

What Irena said shocked everyone.

The more I thought about the conversation, the more I felt guilty.

'I did something ridiculous to my sister.'

Even then, I knew that Irena had come to see me in Rowen with a happy heart, without even guessing the Duke of Vermont's intentions. Hannah was so uneasy that she was the only one who felt uneasy. Even when I was staying at the Castle of Valmonde, Irena would sometimes quietly go on blind dates that the Duke of Vermont had ordered.

Since she didn't say much about it, I just assumed that she didn't like the person very much.

When I belatedly looked back on my own attitude, I realized that I hadn't been considerate of her.

I told Irena that I didn't care whether her sister became a Duchess or not.

No matter how I looked at it, it was just venting my anger.

And that couldn't help but be venting my anger...

'It means that I'm not okay with Kaien.'

I confirmed that vividly.

The realization that I had done Irena a great wrong haunted me like a bucket of rotten fish being poured over my head.

'I will not marry the Duke of Temnes,'

Irena said, not blaming me, but saying what she had to say.

'I made that decision. For myself. And for you.'

As if I had never hurt her.

She had only asked me to come to my senses.

I clutched the little note.

[Claudel. I am prohibited from entering the palace. Before the ball starts, step out to the bookshelf for a moment. The Duke will help you.]

It was a passage that I had memorized without having to read it too many times.

'Kaian will help me?'

Why did it have to be that?

I continued to hesitate.

If there had been someone else who would help me escape the palace, I wouldn't have been worried like this. It was because it was Kaian.

Considering the relationship between us, I wondered if it was right to receive Kaan's help in a difficult situation.

Of course, Kaian had a clear sense of duty to bring Claudel back for the sake of the child, but he couldn't help but guess that things would get complicated if he tried to hide the information that the baby that Valquiterre had ordered to deal with was alive.

"Lady Claudel. What is that?"

In addition, the maids who had barged into my room early in the morning, saying they were preparing for the ball, were annoying me, so it wasn't easy to find a chance to leisurely go to the bookshelf alone.

"Shall I throw it away?"

"Oh, no. It's fine, don't worry about it."

I was wondering what to do, so I quietly slipped the note into the sachet inside my corset.

I had always carried it in my pocket because I couldn’t trust anyone, but the dress I was wearing for the event today didn’t have such a useful pocket.

‘If Mom prohibited to get in, it would definitely be a problem if we kept in contact.’

I tried to calm down while being dressed up calmly. However, when I felt that the appointed time had come, I couldn’t calm down because I was so nervous.

‘Was Kaian coming?’

I wondered.

‘Isn’t he angry with me?’

Originally, I had often felt very selfish because I didn’t need to endure or accommodate.

But after meeting him again, instead of blaming me, he blamed everything on himself and asked for forgiveness. I had been so angry at him all this time that I had poured out my pent-up emotions, so how could I ask for help?

‘This is really difficult.’ 

I let out a small sigh of distress.

Knock knock.

The bedroom door opened and Valquiterre suddenly appeared.

“Your Majesty the King.”

The maids, surprised by the unexpected visit, quickly bowed their heads.

“Claudel. You look good.”

“Thank you.”

My heart pounded as if I had been caught doing something bad.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, that’s just it.”

I mumbled.

“Can’t you say something nice about me because I'm handsome?”

Valquiterre seemed very happy.

“What’s the matter with you all of a sudden?”

“I came to pick you up because you must have finished getting ready.”

I was surprised.

“Already?”

"I'm sure you're busy dressing up and you're going to be hungry. Let's just eat together before the ball starts."

“Oh...”

“What’s wrong? Is something wrong?”

Valquiterre's eyes swept over me sharply.

“It’s nothing. Where do you plan on eating?”

“Let’s go to the terrace.”

I nodded, gathered the hem of my dress, and followed him.

‘Oh, what should I do? I was going to see Kaian at the library.’

The terrace was on the lower floor, and the ballroom where the ball was to be held was also on the lower floor.

I was anxious because I thought that if I followed Valquiterre like this, I would never naturally go up to the Royal Lounge where the bookshelf was until the ball was over.

While sitting across from Valquiterre and drinking tea, I slowly melted a small chocolate and swallowed it, feeling like I would feel sick just from that.

'...He might not have come.'

Was Kaian really trying to help me by avoiding Valquiterre's eyes?

He had said that he only considered Valquiterre as his true family.

Since my mother had no way to contact me, he asked Irena to do it and failed to attract Kaian.

"Um. I don't have an appetite, so I want to go back to my room and rest for a while." 

I had to get back to that floor somehow. That way, I would naturally have a chance to go to the bookshelf.

Then Valquiterre nodded surprisingly coolly.

"Yes."

"Oh, yes. Thank you."

I jumped up from my seat.

"I sent a doctor to your room."

"... Yes?"

“I asked her to check the condition of your legs to see if you could dance at the ball.”

“My legs are fine.”

“Still, I think it would be better to listen to the doctor.”

I bit my lower lip in embarrassment.

‘Could he have noticed?’

If so, wouldn’t it be dangerous for Kaian to go to the library?

In the end, after failing to get a chance to go to the library and receive a doctor’s examination, it was time for the ball to start.

My heart was as dark as the dark blue sky outside the window.

‘Is Kaian still there?’

Even after entering the luxuriously decorated ballroom, I continued to have other thoughts.

At that moment, a sturdy man suddenly stood out from the crowd of people dressed in various ways. As Kaian entered the hall, sweeping his jet-black hair, the surroundings became quiet for a moment.

Then, in an instant, it became noisy, and everyone looked back and forth between me and Kaian, whispering.

I felt the strength leave my legs for a moment when I saw him.

I straightened up my body, which was almost staggering, and tried to look for him again, but Kaian was nowhere I had seen him a moment ago.

‘He’s gone?’

Because I couldn’t go to the library?

I didn’t mean to stand him up on purpose. But Valquiterre...

Only then did I realize.

‘It was surveillance.’

I thought that he had sent someone there in case I was up to something.

‘So what Irena said must be true.’

Valquiterre smiled at me as if to reassure me, and it was clear that he was planning to announce the fact of our marriage here and now.

That’s why he had watched me without moving. It was when I was feeling awkward.

“If only it weren’t for you!”

Suddenly, a woman with black hair jumped out from the crowd of noblewomen surrounding her.

“I would have become a Duchess!”

My eyes widened.

What Antjone was holding in her hand was a meat-slicing knife, and the tip was quite sharp.

“Die!”

I saw the knife flying towards me and the blue eyes filled with resentment.

The world changed very slowly.

Sigh.

I shut my eyes tightly.

But I didn’t feel any pain. Instead, a very familiar scent of a man enveloped me.

Screams erupted from all directions.

Gyaaaah!


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