“I think it would be better to make the child again.”
“What?”
I asked in astonishment as if I heard him agreeing with me, and the Duke of Vermont became animated.
“If you get kicked out like this, it’ll all be over. I’ve been trying so hard to strangle him, so I can’t do that.”
“I can’t live with that person.”
I barely managed to say quietly.
“I can’t do that.”
The days when I wanted him by Kaian's side felt like a distant memory. There were days when I really loved that man and won his heart, and when his warmth was so precious that I worried that he might turn his eyes to another woman.
It was so much so that I had even said that it would be okay to meet Madame Marcel, that if he treated me gently like before, I would pretend not to know that he cheated on me in the castle.
But all emotions were sharply shattered into pieces and turned into scattered shards of gold.
Just thinking about Kaian made my heart feel as if it was being rubbed on sharp glass shards and rolled. I would not be able to live with him even for a single day.
As much as I had sincerely hoped, my heart had become dark, and as much as I had hoped, my despair had deepened.
"I will not wish to return to the Castle de Valmonde or anything like that."
I begged the Duke of Vermont.
"I don't mind going back to where I used to live and living alone."
But all emotions were sharply shattered into pieces and turned into scattered shards of gold.
Just thinking about Kaian made my heart feel as if it was being rubbed on sharp glass shards and rolled. I would not be able to live with him even for a single day.
As much as I had sincerely hoped, my heart had become dark, and as much as I had hoped, my despair had deepened.
"I will not wish to return to the Castle de Valmonde or anything like that."
I begged the Duke of Vermont.
"I don't mind going back to where I used to live and living alone."
I could not go back to Kaian.
The moment I met him again, I knew right away. That he felt quite sorry for me.
But at the same time, I could not help but realize. That man was the main culprit who had taken my baby's life.
It seemed as if a burning desire for revenge against Kaian had taken root in my empty stomach, where my poor baby, who had not even a name, had left early.
However, it was far from me receiving his life in exchange.
Who could possibly fight him with force in the first place?
The moment I met him again, I knew right away. That he felt quite sorry for me.
But at the same time, I could not help but realize. That man was the main culprit who had taken my baby's life.
It seemed as if a burning desire for revenge against Kaian had taken root in my empty stomach, where my poor baby, who had not even a name, had left early.
However, it was far from me receiving his life in exchange.
Who could possibly fight him with force in the first place?
At least in the kingdom of Oberon, it was certain that no one would point a sword at Kaian for the sake of my honor.
“Please leave me alone.”
I sobbed softly as my sorrow welled up.
“I’ll really die if this continues.”
“Please leave me alone.”
I sobbed softly as my sorrow welled up.
“I’ll really die if this continues.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“...Yes?”
The Duke of Vermont frowned with annoyance, his face disinterested.
“Wasn’t your life meant to be for Vermont?”
“...”
I froze involuntarily.
Is there such a strange calculation in the world?
I understood the Duke of Vermont’s logic right away. The reason I had decided to marry Rowen was to save the people of the territory who were starving to death after a ten-year drought.
It was a decision made on the premise that if I contracted Herzol and endured at Rowen Castle for a month or two at most, I would die.
In fact, when I had that choice, I had thought that I would have made the same choice even if I hadn't contracted Herzol.
I was an altruistic person who sympathized with the suffering of others. Even though the drought was no one's fault, I felt bad for not being able to help the starving people whenever I saw them dying.
My weakened body was easily susceptible to illness. Rather than seeing the skinny, skinny people of the estate endure the long winter by drinking water made from peeled tree bark, I would have been satisfied if I could feed them by 'martyrdom' as my uncle said.
'My life was taken as collateral without me knowing it.'
I was saved because Kaian had gotten my medicine.
On the other hand, I wondered if the Duke of Vermont really couldn't get me what Kaian could have gotten with money or something else.
Could it be that he deliberately didn't treat me because he thought I would not marry in exchange for food if I was healthy?
But since everything had gone in an unexpected direction, there was neither time nor reason to deepen such suspicions, and they had been hushed up.
“Fortunately, you seem to be able to have children.”
The Duke of Vermont took a handkerchief out of his bosom, wiped the blood from around my split lip, and handed it to me.
“Make sure to apply the medicine.”
He gave me some incomprehensible advice and then disappeared from the bedroom with a satisfied look on his face.
“Ah...”
I felt as if I had been a piece of meat hanging in a butcher’s shop.
I was no different from a dead lump of flesh, drained of blood and without will, whose limbs had been cut off and weighed to be sold somewhere.
“Ahhh!”
I cried, clutching my head.
I was going crazy.
Or maybe I was dying.
As he entered the capital’s mansion, the young butler greeted him politely.
“Welcome back, my lord.”
“I'm tired.”
“I’ve prepared food and bath water for you.”
“Yes.”
As Kaian strode upstairs, the butler diligently followed him and reported.
“Baron Colon is expected to arrive tomorrow.”
“That’s fast.”
Kaian was able to arrive in the capital in three and a half days because he didn’t sleep or rest in the inn. The butler, who was clearly carrying a lot of work, arrived in the capital in five days.
He must have been running day and night, changing horses in his carriage, constantly carrying his luggage.
“Go away.”
“The owner of the Salon Arvo is waiting for you.”
“Madame Cronach?”
Kaian paused, feeling his bearded chin and messy hair, and sighed briefly.
“Tell her to wait a moment.”
“Yes.”
“Make sure the guest is treated well.”
“...Yes?”
Madame Cronach was a servant to the mansion’s butler. It wasn’t just a day or two that a woman like that would come to see her master in the capital, so he seemed to find it strange that he was suddenly asked to treat her like a guest. When Kaian opened the bedroom door without further explanation, the butler bowed his head politely.
He took off his clothes and headed to the bathroom.
Whoosh.
The mansion had been renovated to provide hot water like Rowen Castle. Thanks to this, as soon as he turned on the faucet, steam rose and the bathtub quickly filled with water.
Kaian stared at himself in the mirror and began to wash and fix his messy appearance.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t stand the fact that he didn’t wash well or that his appearance was disheveled. If he had that kind of personality, there was no way he could endure it on the battlefield.
After Claudel disappeared, he was so busy looking for her that he didn’t shave or trim his hair, which was quite funny.
'I should have cleaned up before I saw Claudel.'
In fact, it might not have mattered to her whether he had shaved or not, or whether he had washed his hair or not.
Because Claudel would not even make eye contact with him. Since she couldn't even make eye contact, she wouldn't have paid attention to his uncharacteristically messy beard or his hair that was messy from riding a horse. But he felt regretful that he couldn't show even his slightest strengths to the woman who originally liked his face and appearance.
'This is not the time.'
Remembering that Madame Cronach was waiting for him, Kaian hurriedly washed and changed his clothes.
As soon as he entered the living room, a woman putting down her teacup that she had just emptied caught his eye.
As soon as he saw her, Kaian became sullen.
Before, he had never once thought of someone else when he saw Madame Cronach, but after finding out that she was Claudel's biological mother, whenever he saw the woman he had known for ten years, he thought of someone who resembled her.
“...Yes?”
The Duke of Vermont frowned with annoyance, his face disinterested.
“Wasn’t your life meant to be for Vermont?”
“...”
I froze involuntarily.
Is there such a strange calculation in the world?
I understood the Duke of Vermont’s logic right away. The reason I had decided to marry Rowen was to save the people of the territory who were starving to death after a ten-year drought.
It was a decision made on the premise that if I contracted Herzol and endured at Rowen Castle for a month or two at most, I would die.
In fact, when I had that choice, I had thought that I would have made the same choice even if I hadn't contracted Herzol.
I was an altruistic person who sympathized with the suffering of others. Even though the drought was no one's fault, I felt bad for not being able to help the starving people whenever I saw them dying.
My weakened body was easily susceptible to illness. Rather than seeing the skinny, skinny people of the estate endure the long winter by drinking water made from peeled tree bark, I would have been satisfied if I could feed them by 'martyrdom' as my uncle said.
'My life was taken as collateral without me knowing it.'
I was saved because Kaian had gotten my medicine.
On the other hand, I wondered if the Duke of Vermont really couldn't get me what Kaian could have gotten with money or something else.
Could it be that he deliberately didn't treat me because he thought I would not marry in exchange for food if I was healthy?
But since everything had gone in an unexpected direction, there was neither time nor reason to deepen such suspicions, and they had been hushed up.
“Fortunately, you seem to be able to have children.”
The Duke of Vermont took a handkerchief out of his bosom, wiped the blood from around my split lip, and handed it to me.
“Make sure to apply the medicine.”
He gave me some incomprehensible advice and then disappeared from the bedroom with a satisfied look on his face.
“Ah...”
I felt as if I had been a piece of meat hanging in a butcher’s shop.
I was no different from a dead lump of flesh, drained of blood and without will, whose limbs had been cut off and weighed to be sold somewhere.
“Ahhh!”
I cried, clutching my head.
I was going crazy.
Or maybe I was dying.
***
As he entered the capital’s mansion, the young butler greeted him politely.
“Welcome back, my lord.”
“I'm tired.”
“I’ve prepared food and bath water for you.”
“Yes.”
As Kaian strode upstairs, the butler diligently followed him and reported.
“Baron Colon is expected to arrive tomorrow.”
“That’s fast.”
Kaian was able to arrive in the capital in three and a half days because he didn’t sleep or rest in the inn. The butler, who was clearly carrying a lot of work, arrived in the capital in five days.
He must have been running day and night, changing horses in his carriage, constantly carrying his luggage.
“Go away.”
“The owner of the Salon Arvo is waiting for you.”
“Madame Cronach?”
Kaian paused, feeling his bearded chin and messy hair, and sighed briefly.
“Tell her to wait a moment.”
“Yes.”
“Make sure the guest is treated well.”
“...Yes?”
Madame Cronach was a servant to the mansion’s butler. It wasn’t just a day or two that a woman like that would come to see her master in the capital, so he seemed to find it strange that he was suddenly asked to treat her like a guest. When Kaian opened the bedroom door without further explanation, the butler bowed his head politely.
He took off his clothes and headed to the bathroom.
Whoosh.
The mansion had been renovated to provide hot water like Rowen Castle. Thanks to this, as soon as he turned on the faucet, steam rose and the bathtub quickly filled with water.
Kaian stared at himself in the mirror and began to wash and fix his messy appearance.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t stand the fact that he didn’t wash well or that his appearance was disheveled. If he had that kind of personality, there was no way he could endure it on the battlefield.
After Claudel disappeared, he was so busy looking for her that he didn’t shave or trim his hair, which was quite funny.
'I should have cleaned up before I saw Claudel.'
In fact, it might not have mattered to her whether he had shaved or not, or whether he had washed his hair or not.
Because Claudel would not even make eye contact with him. Since she couldn't even make eye contact, she wouldn't have paid attention to his uncharacteristically messy beard or his hair that was messy from riding a horse. But he felt regretful that he couldn't show even his slightest strengths to the woman who originally liked his face and appearance.
'This is not the time.'
Remembering that Madame Cronach was waiting for him, Kaian hurriedly washed and changed his clothes.
As soon as he entered the living room, a woman putting down her teacup that she had just emptied caught his eye.
As soon as he saw her, Kaian became sullen.
Before, he had never once thought of someone else when he saw Madame Cronach, but after finding out that she was Claudel's biological mother, whenever he saw the woman he had known for ten years, he thought of someone who resembled her.
Seeing Kaian, Madame Cronach opened her mouth.
“How is she doing?”
“He gave her the entire floor of the Royal Lounge.”
While Claudel was away, they had been in a strange company.
Even though he knew that Madame Cronach was trying to kill Valquiterre because of the town of Plogne, Kaian could not stop her.
Finding Claudel was more urgent, and the responsibility for pushing her to commit suicide was too heavy.
Madame Cronach left Kaian to find her daughter.
Kaian tacitly understood that this was a limited alliance until Claudel was found. For a moment, he tolerated Madame Cronach still using the funds he provided and the Salon Arvo to turn her sword against Valquiterre.
“I see.”
“You knew?”
“To what extent?”
Kaian immediately frowned at her words.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s also because I only had a suspicion and no evidence.”
Madame Cronach stared at Kaian blankly.
“Because I can’t trust you.”
“...”
“Do you still believe in Valquiterre?”
Madame Cronach was much younger than Kaian parents who had passed away. But how could the world be so different after living a few more years? Kaian wondered sincerely.
‘It’s as if you’re reading my mind.’
Didn’t he feel like Valquiterre had deliberately set up this situation to trap him today?
Asking him if he believed in Valquiterre as if she had seen it firsthand?
It wasn’t just a coincidence that Madame Cronach had the best salon in the capital.
“I believe him.”
Kaian deceived himself.
If he didn’t trust Valquiterre, part of the world he had lived in would collapse.
“Yes. That’s why I can’t share everything.”
Madame Cronach’s eyes darkened.
“My daughter is in the hands of the enemy.”
“If we talk slowly, Claudel will change her mind.”
“I hope so.”
She only asked if he had seen Claudel in person and left without saying anything else.
However, despite what he had boasted to Madame Cronach, Kaian went to the palace every day after that, but he couldn’t meet Claudel even after a week.
Unable to bear it any longer, he finally exploded.
“Why won’t you let me see Claudel?”
Valquiterre looked embarrassed at his words.
“What should I do if she says she won’t meet you?”
If he had talked to her, he would have tried to somehow appease her and make excuses to resolve the misunderstanding, but he hadn’t thought that there would be no chance at all.
“It’s not easy to persuade her.”
Claudel was persistently demanding a divorce.
“The Duke of Vermont won’t stay still either. It’s also very difficult for me to take up the time I should be taking care of state affairs.”
“What do you want? There’s no need to change the subject.”
Valquiterre smiled as if he had been waiting for Kaian’s words.
“If you hand over the land of Pagos, I will help you meet her.”
“How is she doing?”
“He gave her the entire floor of the Royal Lounge.”
While Claudel was away, they had been in a strange company.
Even though he knew that Madame Cronach was trying to kill Valquiterre because of the town of Plogne, Kaian could not stop her.
Finding Claudel was more urgent, and the responsibility for pushing her to commit suicide was too heavy.
Madame Cronach left Kaian to find her daughter.
Kaian tacitly understood that this was a limited alliance until Claudel was found. For a moment, he tolerated Madame Cronach still using the funds he provided and the Salon Arvo to turn her sword against Valquiterre.
“I see.”
“You knew?”
“To what extent?”
Kaian immediately frowned at her words.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s also because I only had a suspicion and no evidence.”
Madame Cronach stared at Kaian blankly.
“Because I can’t trust you.”
“...”
“Do you still believe in Valquiterre?”
Madame Cronach was much younger than Kaian parents who had passed away. But how could the world be so different after living a few more years? Kaian wondered sincerely.
‘It’s as if you’re reading my mind.’
Didn’t he feel like Valquiterre had deliberately set up this situation to trap him today?
Asking him if he believed in Valquiterre as if she had seen it firsthand?
It wasn’t just a coincidence that Madame Cronach had the best salon in the capital.
“I believe him.”
Kaian deceived himself.
If he didn’t trust Valquiterre, part of the world he had lived in would collapse.
“Yes. That’s why I can’t share everything.”
Madame Cronach’s eyes darkened.
“My daughter is in the hands of the enemy.”
“If we talk slowly, Claudel will change her mind.”
“I hope so.”
She only asked if he had seen Claudel in person and left without saying anything else.
***
However, despite what he had boasted to Madame Cronach, Kaian went to the palace every day after that, but he couldn’t meet Claudel even after a week.
Unable to bear it any longer, he finally exploded.
“Why won’t you let me see Claudel?”
Valquiterre looked embarrassed at his words.
“What should I do if she says she won’t meet you?”
If he had talked to her, he would have tried to somehow appease her and make excuses to resolve the misunderstanding, but he hadn’t thought that there would be no chance at all.
“It’s not easy to persuade her.”
Claudel was persistently demanding a divorce.
“The Duke of Vermont won’t stay still either. It’s also very difficult for me to take up the time I should be taking care of state affairs.”
“What do you want? There’s no need to change the subject.”
Valquiterre smiled as if he had been waiting for Kaian’s words.
“If you hand over the land of Pagos, I will help you meet her.”
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