ICTV - Chapter 88

I change The Villain

Edgar wanted to scream and cry. He was so angry at God for creating such a fateful coincidence that it had been so long since he had promised, and at the same time, Rose in the dress looked so angelic.

On the day that Edgar pointed out to Rose that her inability to love herself was a big problem, she visited the prayer room again. 

Although he resented God, he resented himself several times more for not missing that coincidence and turning it into an opportunity. Edgar knelt on his knees in the dark prayer room for a while, then threw his head back.

"It's meaningless." 

The red eyes that were once full of hope had long since become empty. Edgar tried to put his hands together but just placed them on his knees.

"I really don't know your intentions."

Edgar looked up at the statue of Harmonia. 

"Are you really trying to teach me that I am only this good of a person?" 

Of course, there was no answer. Edgar muttered. 

"Or perhaps with that woman..."

No, that won't be it. He almost made the most foolish remark. Edgar shook his head firmly. Even if God wanted it, he wouldn't want it.

Edgar gritted his teeth.

Let's stop dating as soon as the person's condition improves. He doesn't want to send an invitation to a charity party, but that person is like a camellia right now. If anything happens, the whole thing will fall to the ground.

Edgar lay on the bed and looked through the documents helplessly. 

"...Wrong."

I can't see anything at all. The papers fluttered and fell on Edgar's face.

"...Do I want something so undeserved?"

He just wants a relationship where they can fully understand each other. He just needs one person, just one person, to be by his side. Edgar thought.

How should he define a person who cherishes others but despises himself, who is warm to others but harsh on himself, and who can throw away the existence of 'I' without hesitation in a situation where he has to sacrifice either others or himself?

Edgar knew the answer. Edgar answered out loud. 

"A contradictory person."

The very existence of humans is contradictory, but he was especially contradictory. Edgar buried his face in his knees.

Again, depression took over his whole body. The hands of the clock keep turning and he can't do anything. Edgar got up from washing his face.

"In times like this, it's a good idea to leave somewhere." 

If he stays far away, his heart will cool down and they will never meet again. Edgar no longer wants to experience fateful coincidences. 

At dinner time, Edgar asked Iris who was sitting across from him. 

"Miss Iris."

"Yes, Edgar." 

"You said you wanted to go to the flower festival held in Tara Village the other day, right?"

"That was just something I said."

Iris spoke firmly.

"Why? You clearly said you wanted to go." 

Iris put down her juice glass. 

"You're busy, Edgar."

"I'm not busy these days."

"Lie. I saw a pile of documents." 

When did she see that again?

 Edgar looked at Iris and closed his eyes.

"I made you such a smart kid." 

"Isn't it good to be smart?" 

"... Do you remember what I said last time?"

Edgar spoke with sincerity. 

"You can't be someone like me." 

"No. I do not want to. It will be."

"Miss Iris. If you become someone like me..."

You have to live with responsibility and emptiness. 

Edgar swallowed his words. Because it's too dark for Iris. Instead, he changed the subject.

"Great. I won't object to that anymore. Let's go to the festival instead."

"But..."

"It's okay because I'll take care of things myself."

Edgar said emphatically.

"Okay?"

"If you put off work, only Edgar will have a hard time." 

"Miss Iris. Don't worry about that."

"... All right." 

Only then did a faint excitement appear on Iris's face. It may not be completely, but he will be able to shake off some of his regrets.

But this time too. God did not grant Edgar's wish.

When Edgar met those jewel-like eyes in the crowd, he almost collapsed in his seat, and when Rose looked at the sand castle in the picture, he almost lost his mind.

"It looks like it might collapse if you touch it." 

"If it falls down, it's just a sand castle, so what's wrong with that?" 

She knows. 

"I also feel sad when I see that sand castle."

Ah, how can she be so similar to him? 

Even if he tried not to give meaning to trivial things, he had no choice but to give them meaning. 

Edgar couldn't sleep that whole night. As he looked at the sand castle in the painting, Rose's dangerous figure kept flashing before his eyes. 

People who share the same pain have no choice but to understand each other even if they don't want to.

He wants to comfort that person's pain himself, not anyone else. And later, that person hurt me... 

Edgar pressed his face hard.

It was because he realized too late, that the person already had a fiancé. He had become so impure that he now shuddered whenever he felt so excited.

"..."

Edgar just stared at the wall. He guesses he'll just stay at the inn tomorrow. He had to have fun by reading books to Iris and feeding her delicious food. 

But Edgar couldn't do that. This is because Rose came to visit the inn where he was staying. 

"...But how did you know which Inn I was in?"

"You taught me yesterday."

This damn occupational disease. As is his habit, he told Rose that this was where he was staying, and that she could come to visit him at any time if there was any problem.

Edgar could no longer maintain his senses. Edgar smashed his face into the wall and screamed so no one could hear. 

Why? Why? Isn't it time for coincidences to end? Why does God keep letting him know that that person has the same wounds as him and that there is room for him to dig in?

But the most miserable truth is... 

Tears dripped down Edgar's face. 

"Why are you even saying that you love that person, in front of me and not anyone else?" 

Every single thing that happened during the festival was disgusting, but the most disgusting thing was that even after seeing that cruel scene, he still couldn't give up on that person. 

Edgar ruffled his messy hair. The best choices lead to the worst results in succession, and she was even told that he was like a person in love with Violet. 

All Edgar could do on the spot was act as if he had finally realized his feelings. In fact, he was aware of this a long time ago and knew the answer to this feeling, but he acted so heinous. 

As soon as he returned to the capital, Edgar went straight to the temple. Even though he clearly knew that Harmonia would not be able to help him right now, Edgar slammed his fist on the floor in the empty temple.

"Keep your wits about you." 

There was only one reason why his emotions grew to the point where they were visible to others. A coincidence like fate. 

Edgar clenched his teeth. 

"Don't give it meaning." 

Reason must be maintained even in extreme situations. You shouldn't get caught up in your emotions and become lenient on yourself. Edgar hit the floor once more. 

"Stick to the right path."

Crack. 

Red blood dripped down his hands along with an eerie sound. However, this feeling that invaded his heart was more painful than the pain in his hands. 

"Why only to me?" 

Edgar said something he had heard many times from others, but which he never thought he would say in his entire life.

"Why does this only happen to me?"

He lived his whole life without harming anyone. He wasn't greedy for anything. He lived so hard, but why? 

Tears fell. Edgar held his face in his bloody hands. A faint glow appeared from the wound and disappeared, but the blood stains still remained. 

No matter what he does, he won't be able to erase this mark. It's like water that has already been spilled.

The crack that once appeared grew uncontrollably, and the greed once harbored grew at a rapid pace. He doesn't want to let go of the delusions he's had for a long time anymore. He can't control the speed at which he falls apart.

But strangely, truly contradictory.

"Happy." 

Edgar muttered with eyes full of tears. He is so happy that his fingers are shaking. Edgar then grabbed his breasts with his trembling hands.

His heart was beating harder than ever. At any given moment, his heart, which he often forgot was even beating because it was so quiet, was moving passionately, actively proving that he was alive.

Edgar could only sigh.

How can it be such an impure, intense, and lovely feeling?

Edgar crouched down. Like that moment when he burned the rabbit doll. Even in that uncomfortable moment, as if bugs were crawling all over his body, he curled up and didn't move because the guilt was weighing down his lungs and he had trouble breathing.

It was because he didn't want to miss even a moment of the sight of the rabbit doll burning and disappearing. At that time, she was the happiest child in the world. 

Why was he happy? 

The reason was simple. Because it was what he wanted most at that moment. And so passionately, to the point of willingly accepting the guilt.

Edgar slowly got up. The white cloak that was wrapped around his back like wings slipped and fell to the floor. 

Edgar looked down at his palms. Red blood was still flowing from his palm. Edgar, who was looking down at his palm, suddenly realized something.

He's not tired. It's just crazy.

Unless he's crazy, there's no way he'll be so obsessed with something so useless and give it meaning. If a person is exhausted for a long time, he or she goes crazy. 

Edgar scratched his cheek with his bloody fingers.

"I'm so crazy." 

The scraping was done so hard that the flesh was torn, but it didn't last long. As pure white light emanated from the tips of his fingers, the wound disappeared in an instant. But the blood stains on his cheeks did not disappear. 

Edgar looked up at the statue blankly, his face covered in blood. 

"I'm done now."

Everything he had built so far collapsed in an instant. He tried so hard not to think of anyone as being special, and he tried not to harbor any feelings. In an instant like this...

Edgar fell flat on the floor. The blood from his tattered fingertips stained the floor bright red.

"Now I will never be able to live like I used to again." 

He will live a life where he repeats delusions that can never come true, unable to live stoically, and unable to properly hide your emotions. 

Edgar muttered impulsively.

"But what's wrong with that?" 

He wants it now. So passionate that he risks everything. 

Edgar closed his eyes once and then opened them. Two dark red eyes, like the depths of hell, without a single ray of light, were revealed.

This feeling is poison without needing to be confirmed, but it doesn't matter. Because It was so sweet and thrilling that it made him shiver.

Edgar drank every sip of the poison. In front of the statue of Harmonia, whom he always served with a pure heart.

Edgar changed a little after that.

He carried out his schedule as usual and showed warmth to people. However, if the previous smile was benevolent, the current smile was vague, as if it would disappear somewhere at any moment. 

People also felt that Edgar had changed somehow, but no one worried about him. 

No matter what Edgar's condition was, all he had to do was listen to their story and provide a solution. 

Edgar felt that sight once more.

He also said he needed someone special. And the role of that special person.

"Young lady. I am..."

He wants the person in front of him to do it. 

Edgar raised his head. Their meeting so far has been nothing more than a coincidence, but he wants to believe it was fate. 

Edgar pressed his lips.

And then he made his first and worst confession.

"I love you."

That too on the day of her engagement ceremony. Rose's eyes grew as big as they could. 

The look on her face made her wonder what she had just heard.

"You are the first person to make me like this.."

But Edgar could not finish his sentence. 

Because a big hand came out from somewhere and grabbed his neck.

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