DYBAR - Chapter 51 < Dean Szellin's Inner Thoughts >

 DYBAR - Chapter 51 < Dean Szellin's Inner Thoughts >

Do Your Best And Regret It

The carriage started slowly. Only when Jeniv Street became far away did I look out the window? Dean was sitting on his horse, which followed me at a certain distance from my carriage. His posture, which was always upright in front of me, was slightly broken. 

It was fortunate that the sunset was setting behind Dean. Otherwise, his face would have been clearly visible. That wasn't what I had hoped for. Probably Dean too. 

I closed the curtains on the window. With the sound of his words chattering outside, I pondered over what had happened a moment ago.

"Can we just take you to the Great Siege Castle?"

When Dean asked me if I should wear contact lenses, I awkwardly tried to change the subject. Only after confirming that I was in the carriage did I turn around for a moment so that I could leave right away.

Dean's eyes were a perfect brown when he said he was leaving again. But I couldn't forget the sight of Dean's light green eyes beneath his brown eyes. By now I had assumed that Dean's hostility was simply because I was a Princess of the Imperial faction, and that his loyalty to Vikander ran deep. Like some knights who sometimes stare at me intently and then turn their heads when they feel like our eyes will meet. 

But when I think back, Dean disliked me to a particularly noticeable degree.

"...Is it like a defense mechanism?"

However, the reason he hated me so much because he didn't want to be found out for having green eyes was because he got along well with the kids on Jeniv Street. 

Then, what is the reason why he hates me so much? 

I blinked lightly. I can't believe I'm putting this much effort into finding a reason why someone hates me. In the past, I didn't bother to look for reasons why people disliked me. Illegitimate, half-baby. Or the fiancée and unloved Princess. 

Numerous scandals represent me. I thought there was a reason for it, so I ignored it and did my best only for the people I loved. But now I am...

"I do whatever I want."

I wanted to love everyone in Vikander. At the same time, I wanted to be loved by everyone that much. Strangely enough, Vikander and Vikander's people keep giving me heart. I felt ready to love them all. 

Even if it was greed, it was okay. The words to do whatever I want have already been imprinted on me like a spell... 

***

Parlor after dinner. Just as when the two stayed at the Grand Duke's residence, the order of having hot tea together after a meal was the same after coming to Vikander Territory. 

Normally, we would talk about what each of them did during the day when they were away from each other. But Edwin, who was looking at me as if he was intrigued today, brought up a random story. 

"Did Dean get caught, or did Olivia find out?"

"What?"

"Dean's lens."

For a moment, I took a deep breath. I thought that the fact that Dean was wearing contact lenses might be a secret, and so as not to show that I knew, I started off by telling a long story about how I had been to Jeniv. 

I was so surprised that I confused the two things wanted to ask Edwin.

"... How did you know? No, did you know?"

"Let me start with how I found out that Olivia knew about Dean's lens..."

Edwin smiled as if he had clearly understood the ticket and glanced outside the open window. It was a dark night, but the gymnasium was brightly lit. It was hard to see who was beyond the thick trees, but at first glance, it seemed like a shouting sound of cheering was heard. It's Dean's habit. 

"On days when someone catches my eye, I train like that to vent my anger."

Even the second question was resolved with one answer. I asked another question.

"Has he been caught often?"

"Until a few years ago, it was almost every day. Everyone except those who saw Dean when he first came here probably thought that way. At that time, he wasn't familiar with lenses."

I heard it at first glance. When I first put on contact lenses, I felt awkward something foreign in my eyes. 

"What's worse, Bethany said she could even cast a permanent spell to change his eye color. He refused, but eventually got used to the lens."

One of my eyebrows, who had been listening quietly, rose in confusion. There was something strange about Dean. If he gets caught, he trained like that to vent his anger, but he even turned down magic and used a lens that put him at risk of getting caught? 

It was a word that didn't match the front and back. But Edwin continued speaking softly.

"He hasn't done that for a while since got used to the lenses, but when I saw him doing that today, I thought Olivia caught him. Everyone probably guessed it besides me."

"... Do you know why Lord Szellin insists on using lenses?"

My voice trembled a little. It seemed to me that if I heard his answer to that question, I might be able to find out why Dean Szellin was hostile towards me. 

Edwin's red lips moved slowly. It was a moment when my heart rate accelerated.

"I guess I can't tell you that?"

It was a slightly apologetic smile. 

Ah. 

Without realizing it, the strength in my tightly clenched fists loosened. Obviously, I was the one who asked for neutrality, but I almost crossed the line. I grinned, trying to hide my disappointment.

"I see, thank you."

"Instead."

As soon as I finished speaking, Edwin continued. His red eyes looked sweetly at me in my rounded eyes.

"Instead of Dean's personal secret, wouldn't it be okay if I told you something that everyone in the Grand Duchy knows?"

I nodded. Everyone knows this. At the same time, this is a fact that only I don't know.

"Dean knows the rumors about 'Olivia Madeleine' better than anyone else."

"Is that so?"

I laughed a little. That wasn't a huge surprise. Because it was the perfect reason to hate me.

"I guess it's not as surprising as I thought."

He thought I would be very surprised. Edwin pouted his red lips in disappointment.

"Because I guessed it."

"Then how about this?"

The languid voice was somehow secretive. When the red eyes looked at people as if captivating were shining brightly.

"What if it was Dean who was passionately refuting the rumor here in Vikander?"

No way. I immediately denied it. Edwin shrugged his shoulders.

"Really. He also went to a place where the local newspapers were published? I even banned him from going to that bar because he was going crazy about all the rumors about Olivia and saying they were fabricated."

The wide eyes blinked slowly, as if in surprise. Many changes in thoughts passed over my detached face. As those traces piled up, a strong heart was reflected on his calm face. 

Edwin knew well. What a strong person his Little Lady is. Olivia is also a woman strong enough to cut off the family she had been clinging to for fourteen years. 

So when I raised my head.

"Well, I need to see Lord Szellin now."

Edwin grinned and nodded. Like he knew it would happen. 

***

The training ground was left alone. 

Bang.

Dean fell down in his seat with a sharp metallic sound. A strong shock spread throughout his hand that was holding his sword. His legs were shaking, and sweat poured down his entire body. He could have just collapsed, but...

"Are you wearing contact lenses?"

No matter how much he trained and strained his body, Dean could not erase the voice of the Young Lady asking him.

"I'll listen when Bethany says she'll cast a spell."

Dean closed his eyes tightly as regrets flowed out of his teeth. 

Shit!

Damn it, damn it! 

Everyone knew that his eyes were light green, but he didn't want that noble Lady to know! 

Putting down his sword, Dean scratched his head. He wanted to turn back time if he could. What kind of last remaining regret could have rejected Bethany's magic?

"I don't know much about training."

Dean was startled by the sudden familiar voice and raised his head. He thought he was hallucinating. Otherwise, there was no way he wouldn't even notice it until it came this close. 

But it was clearly Olivia Madeleine who was coming before his eyes. She had the rose-colored dress Dean saw earlier, the fine silver hair that sparkled coldly in the moonlight, and the elegant face, and...

"If you train like that, you'll have a hard time guarding me tomorrow, Lord Szellin."

Even the green eyes looking straight at Dean.

"I see you, My Lady"

"I want to take a short walk. Is it okay if I ask you to escort me?"

".... I have just finished training and there will be an unpleasant smell. If you will wait a moment, I will bring another driver shortly."

"I'm fine. Shall we go then?"

Dean eventually lowered his head. I nodded my head and started walking.

Vikander's night turned pitch black. The sound of screeching grasshoppers was similar to what I heard at the Grand Duke's residence in the archipelago. I chuckled and looked around the garden. Then I glanced towards the Great Siege and asked Dean.

"I think it was probably around here. Is that right?"

"Which one do you mean?"

It was a voice that said it didn't want to answer. I smiled sweetly and responded as if I didn't mind.

"The place where Lord Szellin glared at me."

"...!"

At my words, Dean finally turned to where I was standing. It was true. 

The first day of the grand Duke and the Lady return. Where he glared at Olivia Madeleine, who was on the balcony of the Grand Duchy in the distance.

"...Why did you come here? I was wondering if I could find out why you were glaring at me when I got here."

I quietly looked at the Grand Duchy and shook my head. I then turned around and faced Dean.

"... I do not know. So please let me know directly. Why do you hate me so much?"

"Why do you want to know that?"

Dean answered a beat late. Even though training was over, his heart was beating abnormally fast. He couldn't tell for himself whether he wanted to hear the Young Lady's answer or not.

"I love everyone at Vikander, and I want to be loved by them."

The moment he heard a voice as sweet as spring sunlight, a warm feeling rose up from his stomach. He had to endure it. 

Dean clenched his fists and closed his mouth. However, the direct gaze she looked at him attracted Dean. Her green eyes, which Dean so desperately wanted to avoid, blinked slowly and then became round.

"Of course, the people of Jeniv. The same goes for Lord Szellin."

"Wow, that's amazing."

Dean couldn't bear it anymore. Without realizing it, a sarcastic voice came out. 

Dean looked down at Olivia with sharp blue eyes. It would have been better if she had been surprised and hurt by his words. This noble Young Lady kept her mouth shut and faced him with her serene face. 

The moment Dean saw that face, he couldn't control himself.

"If you love everyone so much and want to be loved, why did you do that?"

Dean fired back fiercely as if a solidly built dam was bursting.

"Why did you covet what belonged to others and why did you behave in a tea party? Why..!"

Of the negative articles published in the Island's newspapers, 50% were about Princess Madeleine. They say that the green-eyed, half-haired princess coveted what belonged to others without shame, and where she went on her rampage. They say she uses mean tricks to harass others. 

So much gossip poured in that even Dean, who initially refuted the rumor as a fabrication, was exhausted. Every time that happened, Dean wanted to ask at least once.

"What did the Princess who was so precious and loved, so proudly carrying her green eyes, lack?"

"..."

"If only you had the generosity to think of the people of Jeniv like this right now. Couldn't you have thought of people with green eyes even back then and been proud of yourself?"

"..."

"Aren't you the only person who isn't persecuted by people just because you have green eyes?"

The deep emotions that could not be filtered out flowed out. Even though Dean felt it, he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"...... Of course, even if I, a lowly person, say this, the precious princess would not care how other green-eyed people live."

In the end, Dean muttered like a sigh.

"Whether you had to wear contact lenses or cover your eyes to avoid being bullied, or you had to cast a permanent spell. Whether you think it would be okay to just walk around with green eyes."

Beneath the quiet night sky, a voice filled with resignation spread clearly.

"... It has nothing to do with the Young Lady who has always received love."

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