DYBAR Chapter 18 - When All Places To Go Are Gone

DYBAR  Chapter 18 - When All Places To Go Are Gone

Do Your Best And Regret It

Silver Palace of the Princess. The official name was Tiase Palace, but everyone liked to call it by its nickname because of its sparkling silver color as if it had been painted in the cool moonlight. 

The Crown Princess's palace was in an uproar from early morning. It was because of Olivia Madeleine, the Prince's fiancée, who had cool silver hair just like the palace. 

"I can't believe the Princess is planning to come without any luggage and stay for a few days. What's the matter?" 

"I heard she came to the royal family in the early morning in a carriage without any emblems?"

"I heard her face looks like she's 

crying somewhere."

Everyone, from the titled servants and maids to the housemaids who did chores, would tell the story of Princess Madeleine whenever they gathered together. The same was true for the balcony downstairs. 

I slowly sipped my tea and listened to the giggles.

"I heard she received ointment because the back of her hand was swollen and red?"

Just in case, I changed my dress by myself, and it was a good thing I did. If they had seen the handprint on my shoulder, that pleasant conversation would have been even richer.

“Hmm, hmm, hmm!”

Baroness Sopron, who was sitting next to me, was coughing louder and louder. I smiled at her, which was a mix of confusion and anger.

"Do you see tears on my face?"

"Yes?"

"Isn't it Wednesday?"

It was the day I had an appointment with Leopold. Baroness Sophron seemed to have noticed, too, and brought a hand mirror. I looked at myself in the mirror and wiped the corners of my eyes.

"It's more that you look like you couldn't sleep rather than crying."

"Would you please prepare for makeup?"

Baroness Sophron nodded and went outside. With the sound of the door closing, I was alone. The moment I let out the sigh I had been holding in, my fingertips, which I had been straining with great effort, trembled slightly. 

It was fortunate. Because Madeleine was not involved in the rumor that was spreading like wildfire. Meanwhile, it was funny to think about Madeleine's honor. 

I weakly raised the corner of my mouth. I said no one came after me in the Duke's house last night. No, will my family know that I came out? 

In fact, I was even sent off this morning. A mockery towards myself appeared on my lips. From the dusk of dawn, I remembered Hannah, waving my hand enthusiastically and saying I wished she could see her again. Even the Grand Duke was standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling window on the second floor.

The Grand Duke's appearance glimmered as I  walked away from the moving carriage.

Last night the Grand Duke said it was okay to have some, but I couldn't do that. Even today, if there was even an emblem of the Grand Duke's family on the carriage, the Grand Duke would have been embroiled in a scandal with me involved. 

No matter how crazy I was, I couldn't bring trouble to his benefactor. Madeleine is clear in my repayment..... 

My thoughts inadvertently had turned to Madeleine again. The family I longed for. And Madeleine, where I don't think I can go any further.

"... I'm glad it's here."

I muttered softly and looked outside.

Under the high sun, Tiese Palace sparkled in silver. From the moment I became engaged at the age of nine, I knew that this palace would be my palace. It was a place where I thought I would one day officially enter the palace. As if I was being chased like this, I came in first. I ran my fingers through my hair, as was my habit. When I saw my silver hair hanging from my fingers, I was constantly reminded of Madelaine and Ethella, who had fainted. 

Ethella was surprised even after spitting out her harsh words. From a young age, Ethella suffered from many illnesses. When she did that, I always went to hold her hand, avoiding the eyes of my father and Conrad. I should have said it right yesterday. If I had done that, I wouldn't have had to worry about whether I would be able to hold her hand again...

 I don't know if she would have believed what I said. The moment the words rolled out of my mouth, my eyes widened as if I  realized something. 

I was not disappointed. This was my resignation. Every time I was shunned by my family, i felt sadness and pain, and my earnest wish to be together. The driving force that had made me work so hard for fourteen years was fading away. 

I swallowed her breath at my belated realization. My green eyes fluttered as if I were frightened. 

***

The brilliant sun turned red. I was in the outdoor garden of the Crown Prince's Palace and looked at the long shadow.

Wednesday's appointment time passed well today, but Leopold did not come.

Maybe he's still mad at me for turning him down to the first dance at the banquet. It reminded me of Leopold being deliberately rough with me during my second dance.

The way he turned around as soon as the dance was over. I looked at the cold tea in my own glass and then at the empty, unpoured glass. My heart was pounding. 

Still, I still wanted to hope for Leopold. I wanted to have expectations and be loved as much as I love myself. I hope he comes quickly.

 I looked into the distance.

Suddenly, I saw a maid walking far away. Among the many maids, what particularly caught my eye was the teapot she carried.

"Ma'am." 

"Yes, Princess."

Baroness Sopron, who was standing nearby, approached. I point to the maid.

"The maid is carrying my teapot."

The teapot, embossed with green flowers, was imported from the Kingdom of Gershwin, famous for its pottery. Among the teapots in the Crown Princess' palace, it was my favorite teapot. There were only two sets of that in the Empire. One set

in front of me now. And one set over there. It wasn't even the day to clean the teapot, so I was about to ask where I was taking it, but Baroness Sophron was extremely embarrassed.

"Well, that... That is."

I felt anxious. I jumped up. 

Baroness Sophron suddenly took my hand.

"Hey, Princess! Where are you going?

"I will check."

The Baroness's hands were wet with sweat. My anxiety gave way to confidence as I saw her tense face.

"I will go, Ma'am."

My heart was pounding, but my voice was extremely calm. I didn't know that this situation didn't feel real right now. But as the Baroness looked up with her quivering eyes, I had some idea. 

Maybe if I go now, I wouldn't even be able to wish for Leopold. Why do these terrible things happen all at once? 

 I wanted to ask someone. But it was me who had to answer.

"I heard that the Princess came into the Crown Prince's palace." 

I heard a woman's voice complaining. I stopped in place without realizing it. It was Maria Ethel's voice. 

"They said so."

Leopold's voice sank as if he was in a bad mood. Soon, I heard Maria Ethel's charming voice. Laughter spread. It was the exact opposite of me, who had a hard time even breathing properly. 

Leopold and Maria Ethel were drinking tea in a flower garden just 5 minutes away from my outdoor garden with my favorite teapot, from my palace. 

This was ridiculous. This palace was a palace allowed to me. No matter what Leopold said, this was unfair. It was at this moment that I gritted my teeth and walked forward.

"Remember? Leopold?"

The moment Maria Ethel called Leopold's name, I froze. As her fiancee, I had never even called Leopold by his name. However, the city servants around them said nothing, as if they were used to it. Even his aide, Count Hodges.

Maria Ethel flicked her hair. Leopold took a handful of Maria Ethel's blonde hair and kissed it. It was fortunate. Because I couldn't see Leopold's face. Those bright blue eyes that always look at me with annoyance, as if they were in love with Maria Ethel, might have really broken me down.

"You once said that this palace looks just like me. On days with a sunset like this, it's as brilliant as my blonde hair. Just like now."

That was stupid. This was the Silver Princess palace. I want to protest right away. Leopold, Maria Ethel, and beyond that, the Queen Mother's Palace at sunset really shone golden. 

My heart dropped. I always thought it was mine, and where has the palace that resembled me disappeared to?

My lips trembled. This might be a dream. I wonder if I was still sleeping because the blanket at the Grand Duke's residence is so cozy. 

Maria Ethel chimed as if to announce that this was reality.

"I liked being here with His Royal Highness every Wednesday. In this way, I felt like your fianceé."

My heart pounded. Did Leopold, who was always busy, break his promise to me and meet Maria Ethel here?

"If the Princess came here, it would be hard to see her like this, right?"

Maria Ethel stretched out her words as if she had something to say. Something rose up somewhere in my chest. My instincts warned me to quickly turn around.  I have to run away somewhere quickly. But Leopold spoke faster than I moved. 

"No way." 

Leopold, who firmly denied it, laughed and cried out his throat. A soft sentence came from him after one of my favorite laughs.

"The Princess understands the topic well. I will never cause any inconvenience to you. I guarantee it."

Yhud. 

The emotions that I had been barely holding on came rushing in like a tidal wave. All of my expectations were dashed. My family, who I hoped would look back on me just once, and my fiancé, who I longed for love. 

In a situation where I couldn't hope for anything more, I smiled without knowing. 

It looked just like In the debutante party. That day I held it back because I felt like ot would burst into tears if I didn't smile. I muttered to myself that day too. 

Stupid Olivia. Stupid Olivia. Don't come.

Everything I had hoped for so much collapsed like a sand castle hit by a wave. The end of my unrequited love was ultimately this terrible. I cupped my face in my palms. Even though I held my breath as my mother told me, the pain surged through me. 

Nothing was going to be okay. My mom was wrong. Even if I tried my best, there were some things that just couldn't happen. 

When I realized this, the abject misery enveloped me. I really had nowhere to go anywhere. 

***

"I'm sorry, but it's closing time at our coffee house."

The streets of Leheirne were sunken in darkness. After leaving the coffee house, I tied my robe tighter. With my hair hidden, no one would recognize me as Princess Madeleine. Even the coffee house worker nearby. 

I started walking blindly, with my back to the bustling bar street. Past the unlit jewelry store and into the closed shopping district. And into the alley, the night air was cool as it touched my exposed cheek.

 As we entered the dark alley, a strange smell began to emerge. Physiological fear rose up, and she could not stop my steps.

Instinct led me somewhere. How far did I walk? 

I stopped walking on a street that suddenly felt like déjà vu. A place I had never seen before, but somehow felt familiar. 

Standing in a dark alley where there was no light, I quietly looked around and laughed as if the wind had gone out. A place where shacks disappeared due to district reorganization.

This was the turning bell where I left. The houses hidden beyond my memories seemed like Illusions. The place where I stood was the site of my house where I lived with my mother. It was only here that I eventually returned.

Laughter burst out. When the loud laughter spreading through the narrow alley gradually subsided, I sat down. I had nowhere to go. No matter how hard I tried, it was in this dirty, smelly alley that I finally found peace. 

My legs, which had been walking hard, relaxed. I sat down and leaned against the wall. There was dirt on the hem of my expensive dress, but it didn't matter. Now I had nowhere else to go. 

One organized sentence struck me. I  curled my body into a ball, wrapping my arms around my knees.

Everything was meaningless to me. I couldn't even cry because my body felt empty. It would be nice if it stayed like this for a very long time and then disappeared.

That was when I smiled lonelyly, I heard the sound of hurried footsteps in the distance getting closer. 

My body instinctively stiffened. My compartment was cleared out, but I still didn't know if my bum was floating around. An unexpected fear came to me. I hope someone can help me, please. 

Thinking instinctively, I suddenly remembered the debutante I  had first asked for help with. Please, the request I had hoped for countless times did not come true. It will be like that this time too. No one will help me. I got used to giving up. 

I bit my lip and prayed for the sound of the footsteps to pass.

"Did you enjoy going out?"

The voice, breathing heavily, was familiar to my ears. I unconsciously raised my head. The face, visible in the dim moonlight, was that of the Grand Duke. 

The moment their eyes met, relief spread across the Grand Duke's stiff face. 

"I was waiting to be escorted. Do you have business here too? It's going to be chilly, so why don't you get up?"

The Joke-telling voice gradually became looser. The Grand Duke knelt before me without hesitation. Only after wrapping me in a luxurious and thick robe did the Grand Duke face me.

The moment our gazes met, red eyes looked at me with affection. Maybe it's a series of unrealistic events like this?

"Why are you here?"

I spoke slowly. Although the voice was very cracked, the Grand Duke did not laugh.

"Yeah... here? Because the lady is here."

The Grand Duke shrugged his shoulders.

I was confused when I heard that it was obvious. He never saved me. Why does the Grand Duke keep showing up all of a sudden to help me? 

My heart was pounding. Knowing how dire my expectations were, I looked at the Grand Duke and parted my lips.

"Why do you come just because I'm here?"

"I want to see you."

I was speechless. Who on earth is that man, and why does he look at me so kindly? 

Why do you treat me so precious? Even though I bit my lip, I started crying. 

The man's face became hazy. The Grand Duke was so embarrassed that he didn't know what to do. I find it funny and I like the man who fidgets as if I am so precious that he can't even touch me.

Olivia let out a whine mixed with tears.

"I have nowhere to go."

"That can't be right."

The man immediately denied it and held out his hand to me.

"Everyone at the Grand Duke's residence has been looking forward to your return from the moment you left today. Of course, that was what wanted the most."

In the meantime, the hastily added words were so funny that I broke down crying without even realizing it and laughed. The man grinned along as if he was happy to see even that faint smile.

"So, will you come with me today?"

I looked at the man's hand. Is it really okay if I hold that hand?

After thinking briefly, I took the Grand Duke's hand. At the same time as the warm body temperature was felt, the Grand Duke looked overwhelmed. 

At that moment, I acknowledged the new anticipation that had sprouted in my heart.

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