DYBAR - Chapter 22 < When Everything Ends, We Stand At A New Beginning >

DYBAR - Chapter 22 < When Everything Ends, We Stand At A New Beginning >

Do Your Best And Regret

I didn't even know how I got into the banquet hall. But I was starting my waltz anew when I came in. I blindly led the Grand Duke's hand and stood in the middle of the banquet hall. People were staring, but I didn't care. I looked at the Grand Duke and nodded my head. I signaled that I was ready, and at the same time, the Grand Duke led the dance.

"Are you usually this good at everything? 

"Are you dancing better than last time?"

"I'm pretty good at memorizing things."

I spoke more cheerfully on purpose. It was hard to believe that I had walked away while ignoring my father, or rather, the Duke of Madeleine.

I danced harder, afraid that my trembling hands would be caught. I tried to enjoy the banquet as best as I could. I could not let the Duke ruin my mood, as long as I was on the same page as the Grand Duke had laid out for me. But it seemed like I couldn't really enjoy it.

"It's confusing?"

The Grand Duke's blunt question hit the nail on the head. I tried to pretend she was okay, but I smiled a little bitterly.

"....If not, it would be a lie, right?"

"Not as much as you, but me too."

"Why, Your Highness?"

Is it possible that if they are saying that because I am complicated, I am also complicated? As I narrowed my eyes, the Grand Duke sighed softly.

"Because His Majesty the Emperor has left."

"So?"

"I made a wish, but he left without approval. I am ready to get married today."

It was a voice of sincere regret. I smiled faintly without realizing it. A loose smile appeared on the lips of the Grand Duke as he checked my face.

"You don't want to get married tonight, do you?"

"That's what it says, right. You take the joke seriously?"

"That's because I'm very witty."

I quoted what the Grand Duke said to me last time. The Grand Duke, who was sticking out his tongue, laughed softly. It was an insignificant conversation, but it eased his mind a little. As I was turning the turn, I also noticed a Leopold standing in front of me.

Leopold, who was always absent except when dancing, looked as if he would jump up as soon as his dance was over.

"I hope the waltz never ends."

"I thought so too."

The Grand Duke stretched out his words and laughed.

"Then Winster answered that it was inevitable because he had to change partners."

Where the Grand Duke glanced, there was knight Winster Calter. A few days ago, the knight laughed hard and ran around the garden until the evening. Hannah said he even ran to the training ground. 

I looked at Winster. When I first saw him in the Garden of the Four Seasons, he was dressed in a ridiculous outfit, but now that he was dressed up like that, he seemed like a completely different person. There might have been a chance to talk about it at least once, but so far it was all in vain. 

Was it his taste to wear a knight's uniform with lace at that time? The Grand Duke, with his cheeks puffed out, entered the field of vision that was looking at Winster.

"Isn't there a man right in front of me who is too nice to see Winster?"

"Yes?"

"For example, me."

As soon as he spoke, the Grand Duke grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up in time with the waltz. A bit of my hair blew as I floated in the air. I laughed a little as the puffy hem of my dress puffed out. And when the waltz was over, I nodded my head, my cheeks slightly flushed.

"It's too much."

"I am."

The Grand Duke smiled and whispered to me.

"The Prince is approaching behind you, what should we do?"

Leopold is approaching. It seemed better to go back to the Grand Duke's residence even now. But before I could speak, someone came before Leopold.

"Talk to me."

It was Jade. I don't know where he came from, but he was glaring at the Grand Duke with a strange face.

"... I'd like to have a word with Olivia, so please make room for me, Your Highness." 

"... The vice-captain always speaks briefly. Have you completely abandoned the 'It's been a while' greeting?"

"When I found out that the intelligence about the Heferti remnants was false, I took it with me."

There is an accent on the word 'false'.

 "I'm glad it wasn't true. Then, Lady, shall we head to the mansion as planned?"

"Olivia!"

Jade's voice got a little louder. But I didn't want to see Jade. The moment I met him, I felt the throbbing sensation of his handprint on my shoulder.

"I have nothing to say."

"I have a lot to say. You disappeared for a moment and where have you been? At the Grand Duke's residence?"

"Lower your voice. There are many eyes watching."

I spoke softly. I paused for a moment, trying to figure out what Jade was talking about. His eyes were confused as he glared at me. 

Despite the confused look in his eyes, I made up my mind.

He hasn't changed in fourteen years. If he was one of those people who would change just because I decided to quit, he would have looked back at me right away.

Jade slowly parted his lips.

"Resist to the fullest extent."

The Grand Duke next to me tried to step in front of me, but I grabbed the Grand Duke and shook my head.

"Rebellion?"

I slowly considered Jade's words. Jade spoke as if not recognizing the seriousness in his low voice.

"Yes, defiance. The mood has been bad since Ethella collapsed. So don't be too tired and come back with me now."

"Where are we going?"

"Olivia, Don't be stupid."

Jade stopped talking irritatedly. My expression was strange. I looked up at Jade with a look on my face that said I really didn't know. My green eyes, which were always smiling, looked particularly blank.

"Where are we going?"

"Yeah......!"

Of course, I should have said it was the Duke's house. Strangely, Jade couldn't answer. I laughed softly. 

"...Is what I'm doing now a rebellion?"

I thought deeply. Then I suddenly got choked up. The inside of my throat tingled as if I would no longer be able to speak.

 I said she thought my feelings were 'desperate'. When Ethella rejected me, and in turn, my father, Conrad, and Jade pushed me away, it really felt like I was being pushed off a cliff. Even though I was hurt every time, I laughed it off, but I couldn't breathe anymore. So it came out. 

In Jade's eyes, it all seemed like rebellion. How funny I must have been. I was speechless out of despair. I bit my lip.

I always put my family first. Actually, my position in my family was like this.

"..... I have nothing more to say. Lord Madeleine."

"What? Hey, what are you saying now?"

Jade was panicked and ready to run wild, but I wasn't worried. My worries now had to be directed at myself. Jade said with a flushed face as if he had chosen his words.

"You're also Madeleine."

In Jade's perception, I was not Madeleine. It was just Olivia, claiming to be Madeleine. That terrible fact made her dizzy, really...

I guess I was the only one who didn't know.

I ignored my pounding heart. It was a feeling I no longer wanted to feel.

"I told the Duke. From now on. No..."

"That may have been the case originally." 

I smiled brightly. Jade, who was facing my white, tired face, seemed to realize something about me when his eyes widened.

"...I will erase Madeleine from my life."

Madeleine, who was everything in my life. The family I loved. Now it was going to be erased. With my back to Jade, I pulled the Grand Duke's arm a little.

"Now let's go to the mansion."

The Grand Duke's hand carefully wrapped around my shoulder. It was such a joy to have someone support me, and it was so sweet that it almost made me cry. Life As Olivia is twenty years old, and I only found out about it now. 

***

"Are you here already?"

When we entered the Grand Duke's residence, Hannah greeted me and the Grand Duke with wide eyes. I smiled with one another.

"I told you. I don't really like banquets."

"But you look really beautiful today."

Hannah said as if she felt regretful. As if to stop those words, Butler Sobel bowed politely.

"Did you have a good trip? Your Highness, My Lady?  Did anything special happen?"

Sobel, the young-faced butler, was like that from day one. He may be blunt, but he is not skilled enough to hide his worries.

"Is there anything special? Oh, I'm just a little hungry?"

The Grand Duke smiled slowly and nodded. Come to think of it, I didn't see the Grand Duke eating anything during the banquet. It would be fine for me because had become accustomed to eating less, but it would be different for the Grand Duke.

"Since it is night, I will have some suitable soup and bread."

Sobel nodded seriously. I guess it's all over now. It was time for me to turn to the stairs, as was my habit.

"How are you, Young Lady?"

I opened my eyes wide. Sobel spoke steadily.

"Personally, looking at your diet, I still want to give her steak, but if you eat it at night, you might get burned, so how about some stew with meat?"

"I am..."

The voice that came out of my mouth trembled a little. My cheerful smiling face seemed to crack. The inside of my throat felt hot and lumpy. It was my first time.

After the banquet, someone was worried about my meal. The end of a banquet that I always didn't want to go to was difficult.

Suddenly the Grand Duke nudged me back towards the stairs. I climbed the stairs with startled eyes.

"You danced so hard today that you should rest first. I'll just bring you the food later."

"Dancing! Then shall we also provide massage and bath water?"

 "That too later. Then, would you like to go upstairs with my escort?"

The Grand Duke playfully bit everything and held my hand. I was able to climb the stairs without my legs giving out as I was being pulled. The Grand Duke, who had been leading me without saying a word, stopped in front of the door. The Grand Duke turned around and spoke kindly.

"Do you want to be alone? Or would you like me to stay with you?"

"I want to be alone."

"Well, It's a shame."

The Grand Duke opened the door for me with a look of no regret. I looked at the Grand Duke for a moment as he gestured for me to go in quickly.

"Do you have anything to say? Are you hungry?"

"No. Just... Thank you."

I meant it. For not letting me go to the banquet alone, for dressing me up beautifully, and for coming out with me. And for creating a place to go like this.

I just laughed because I didn't think I could say everything in my low, cracked voice.

"You suddenly look like you're about to cry?"

The Grand Duke jokingly pointed at my face. I knew best what my face would look like right now. Because I always shaved myself while looking in the mirror. So I laughed even more shamelessly.

"Yes. It looks like I am on the verge of crying, but I'm grateful."

"Thank you, too." 

"What is it, Your Highness?"

"I asked you to go to the mansion."

Mansion? I tilted my head, not knowing what the Grand Duke meant. 

"If you have become accustomed to the Grand Duke's residence, I would be grateful. I really mean it when you say that you have nowhere to go."

The Grand Duke paused for a moment. It was only when the light smile disappeared that the Grand Duke's face was clearly visible.

 A raw, maskless face faced me. The moment when my face, which was holding tightly, slowly bent. 

"I feel really sad."

The low voice dispersed like a sigh. My eyes, meeting his deep red eyes, widened as if he was about to cry. 

***

"Then rest."

I looked at the closed door and reflected on the Grand Duke's words. Then I looked at the room where I was once again alone. I always felt empty after a banquet. The inside of my back was always hungry as if I was starving. But not today. Obviously, I've finished everything. It wasn't the sadness I always felt, but more of a sense of desperation. 

My fingertips were numb and my skin tingled. It was a strange feeling. Ethella, who was weak, complained that every time her flesh tingled, she felt like she was about to get sick. Each time, I prepared Ethella's medicine for her without even understanding what she said about her skin tingling. Because that was my role as Olivia. 

But now things have changed. This small change seemed to be the beginning. I looked at my fingertips with a willing heart. It also seemed like my head was dizzy. 

I smiled softly as I walked over to the bed. As my unsteady steps headed toward my table instead of straight to the bed, I noticed the diary sitting on the table. My diary that I have kept for over ten years at the Duke's residence. It seemed like Hannah bought it right away. This was really an impulse. 

I sat down in a chair instead of going to the bed. Before I knew it, I felt out of breath, but I didn't care. When my delicate, trembling hands opened the diary, of course, there was nothing written on that pure white paper. There were no words that always oppressed me. 

So I wrote for myself for the first time. 

I didn't do anything. 

Although the handwriting was more crooked than usual, I burst into tears at that one line in my diary. I cried like a child, without any concern that anyone would hear or that my dignity would be diminished.

Now, truly, everything holding me back was gone. Madelaine and my family were erased. And Leopold. 

All of this is unfamiliar. Also, I'm willing.

I cried and laughed again. Thick tears fell on the letters and spread freely. Like the sentences, in my first diary I wrote a long time ago.

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