Forgotten Fields - Chapter 316

Time passed painfully slowly.

Thalia, who was lying on the bed staring blankly at the ceiling, turned her head upon hearing the sound of the door opening.

Before she knew it, the maids were entering the room, as if it were already time for a meal. While they set the food on the table, Thalia rose from her seat and looked out the window. Unlike the scene inside the boudoir, where everything seemed stagnant, busy daily life continued outside.

Dozens of servants were bustling about inside the inner fortress, and armed soldiers were moving in lines near the outer wall for their shift change. Workers carrying out repairs were also frequently seen. It seemed the damage was greater than expected, given the reports of an intruder raid.

I wondered how long I had been gazing down at the chaotic scene when a cautious voice came from behind me.

"Your Highness, the meal is ready." 

"...I'll eat on my own, so you can go ahead." 

As I lightly waved my hand as if annoyed, the hesitating maids left the room.

Thalia roughly stirred the food with a fork, drank a glass of hot wine to tide her over, and lay back down on the bed. As the alcohol took effect, her nerves, which had been on edge to the point of pain, began to relax a little.

She let out a sigh of relief and buried her face in the pillow. Before long, her consciousness gradually faded. The thoughts filling her mind slowly lost their coherence and scattered, and even the flow of time slowly melted away. She was deeply glad to see it.

It was nice not being able to feel anything while asleep. She didn't want to feel anything anymore. How wonderful it would be if she could sleep forever like this.

She clasped her hands together as if in prayer. But, as always, her wish did not come true.

Thalia, having regained consciousness, looked up at the twilight sky through the window before sitting up. The table was neatly cleared, leaving no indication that the maids had been there at any time. After looking around the tidy bedroom, Thalia soon got out of bed and threw open the window.

As she inhaled the cool evening air, the throbbing headache seemed to subside a little. Thalia let out a long sigh and leaned her head weakly against the windowsill. How long had she been doing that? At the edge of her hazy vision, the dark forest path, beginning to be enveloped in darkness, came into view.

Thalia, who had been staring blankly down at the walking path she had traversed several times a day, was suddenly swept up by a strong, inexplicable impulse and spun around. Then, she put on a gray robe and left the room.

Unexpectedly, no guards were in sight. Perhaps they decided that, despite the confinement, it was not serious enough to warrant having soldiers keep watch until late at night. Or perhaps the surveillance had loosened because she had been living like a mouse for a few days.

Thalia, having pulled her hood down over her head and surveyed her surroundings, soon walked to the end of the corridor. As she stepped out into the castle courtyard via the narrow staircase used by the servants, a deserted open space came into view. It appeared that most of the servants had finished their day's work and returned to their quarters. Occasionally, she could see workers carrying firewood or water buckets, but they all seemed oblivious to her presence.

Thalia walked straight past the open field and crossed the forest behind the castle. Not long after, Tiuran's hut came into view in the evening twilight. She approached it and tried pulling the doorknob. Fortunately, the door was unlocked. Standing still and peering through the gap, Thalia cautiously stepped inside the entrance. A musty smell immediately assaulted her nose.

She flinched and froze. It was a place where the faint scent of herbs, pungent spices, and burning firewood usually lingered. However, inside the empty cabin, only chilling cold and dust had accumulated.

She looked around, picked up the lamp on the desk, and pulled the mechanism on the wick to light it. Fortunately, there seemed to be some oil left, as a faint light rose. Holding the lamp in one hand, she carefully examined the wrecked cabin.

The shelves and bookshelves were empty. It appeared that the fortress caretaker, having heard the news of the owner's death, had collected all the valuable items. Not only were the books and medicinal herbs Tiuran cherished gone, but even the tools hanging on the wall were missing.

Thalia, who had been rummaging through the medicine cabinet where only a few broken glass bottles were haphazardly displayed, soon began opening the drawers one by one. She herself did not know what she was looking for. Was she trying to confirm that the kindness the other woman had shown her was not an illusion?

She opened the last drawer with trembling hands. It contained nothing but a few sheets of yellow paper and some quill pens. She looked down at them with a dejected gaze, then knelt on the floor at a memory that suddenly struck her. Shining a light on the floor, she found a small gap between the planks.

She pushed the poker placed next to the fireplace into the gap and pulled the end of the iron rod downward, causing the plank to lift up and reveal a narrow space.

Thalia shone a lamp inside. The medicines and medicinal ingredients made by Marisen were stacked high, wrapped in leather cloths. As she rummaged through them, she stopped short when she discovered a bundle of parchment tucked under the leather cloths.

She took it out and carefully unfolded it. The paper was densely covered with sentences that looked as if they had been roughly scribbled. Thalia lowered her gaze to the first line and held her breath.

I will not dare to ask you to forgive me.

Thalia, who had been staring down at that sentence as if nailed to it, slowly slid her gaze to the next phrase.

I will undoubtedly go to hell.

But it doesn't matter.

Because everyone I love will be there.

Her fingertips, gripping the parchment, trembled slightly. She barely managed to turn the page. Disorganized phrases, written as if in a confession, chaotically filled her vision.

It was not long after I lost my first child that I joined the pagans.

When I was 14, I met a young man and fell madly in love. I considered him my everything. And when I turned 18, we had a child.

However, I could not marry him. This was because he was an outcast whose name was not registered in the church registry.

He wanted to take me out of Kalmor, but I foolishly pushed him away despite his tearful pleas. This was because my faith remained firm until then.

However, that faith completely crumbled the year I lost my child.

The priests refused to baptize my child because he was illegitimate and had the blood of a pagan. Even on the day he breathed his last, they did not extend a helping hand of salvation.

My child was eventually buried at the entrance of the Armund Forest without even a grave.

Since that day, I no longer beg for God's mercy. This is because I decided to believe that my child was born a wolf and is roaming freely through the forests and fields, rather than believing that he would suffer forever in the fires of hell.

Since that day, just as my ancestors believed, whenever the moon rose, I would imagine my child reciting poetry for me at the entrance of the Armund Forest. Without even that small comfort, I would have collapsed long ago.

Thalia, blinking her hazy eyes, turned the parchment after a long while.

I had no intention of revealing that belief to anyone.

I simply wanted to spend the rest of my life quietly, believing that my child was living happily somewhere.

But one day, I met him again. He still loved me. And not long after, we had our second child.

The moment I held the newborn baby in my arms, I realized that I could make any sacrifice for this child. So this time, I was the one to ask him to leave Kalmor. For neither faith nor home held any meaning for me anymore.

However, unexpectedly, he refused my request. This was because he had a goal to achieve.

In the end, I had no choice but to let him go this time as well. My daughter, whom I cherish dearly, too. I had to entrust her to him. Because if I kept her by my side, she might meet the same fate as my first child.

And right around that time, you arrived in Kalmor.

Thalia felt her fingertips growing colder and moved her gaze to the next line.

I did not intend to deceive you from the beginning.

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