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He remained silent until they climbed the stairs and reached Annette's hospital room. Annette twitched her fingers slightly in awkwardness. He then weakly tightened his grip on her hand, then quickly released it.
As soon as she entered the ward and closed the door, Heiner let go of her hand and turned away. Annette was trapped between him and the door, blinking.
Standing with his back to the moonlight, his body, shrouded in shadow, looked particularly gigantic.
Heiner spoke in a suppressed voice, as if gritting his teeth.
“...What do you want to do?”
Annette remained silent, unsure how to interpret his sudden words. Heiner's voice, perhaps aggravated by her silence, rose even higher.
"What the hell is the problem? Are you trying to pick a fight with me?"
“I don’t think so...”
"Then what is this? If not receiving proper rehabilitation and just sitting in the lobby from morning till night, then what is it?"
“I am receiving proper treatment.”
“Don’t lie. You don’t intend to receive it properly.”
Annette was speechless. In fact, he wasn't wrong. She wasn't intentionally refusing treatment, but she wasn't enthusiastic about it either.
It wasn't for any particular reason; I just didn't have the motivation. My hands were already ruined, so what good was it?
“...That has nothing to do with it. I’m not protesting either.”
“Then why are you sitting in the lobby like that all day?”
She sensed he hesitated at the title "you." Ever since they met again on the battlefield, she had always called him "Your Excellency."
“Really...”
But Heiner looked even more upset about it.
“You really never do what I want you to do.”
"I just wanted to talk to you. If you didn't want to see me, just keep it brief..."
“You said I didn’t want to see you?”
Heiner gasped, as if in shock. After a brief pause, he spoke in a gravelly voice.
“I was going to let you go, just like you wanted...!”
“I wanted to say thank you.”
Heiner shut his mouth, as if taken aback. Annette added in a whisper.
“...Thank you for coming to save me.”
“...”
“I wanted to say I’m sorry again.”
Silence fell between them. For a while, he said nothing. Annette simply looked up at him with cautious eyes.
Heiner trembled and turned his head away, as if her gaze were unbearable torture. He spoke with difficulty.
“You... don’t need to say that.”
"You're free to accept my thanks and apologies. I just wanted to talk."
“I don’t know why you wanted to talk to me again, but at this point─”
“I met someone who was your former colleague.”
Annette spoke in a quiet tone. For a moment, a slight tremble appeared in Heiner's eyes.
Heiner also knew about this. According to survivors' accounts, a certain Captain Frances, who spoke fluent Padanian, introduced himself as the Commander-in-Chief's old friend and colleague.
Elliot Sydow.
Jackson.
It was a name he never thought he would meet again like this.
However, Heiner didn't know exactly what was going on between Jackson and Annette. He could only guess.
“...So, have you heard anything about my past?”
Heiner felt a strange sense of shame at the knowledge she had of his tragic past. Ironically, he had long hoped Annette would know about him.
“Do you want to feel sympathy?”
He knew he shouldn't have said this to her. Even so, he was still angry about the whole situation.
Annette was just sitting in the lobby, not taking care of herself, thanking the person who ruined her life, and apologizing when he should be the one who should be apologizing.
He tried so hard to cut everything off, but he ended up in this miserable state.
Heiner was truly determined never to see her again. He knew he'd be shaken if they did. He knew he'd want to throw everything away and cling to her.
But in the end, this is what happened. Ultimately, things went her way. He had never defeated Annette even once.
Not even once.
Annette opened her mouth calmly, not knowing whether she knew his feelings or not.
"Heiner, I told you before. I loved you, so I avoided knowing about you. The moment we found out, it would hurt us."
Blue eyes stared straight at him in the darkness.
“But after hearing the story about you from Captain Sydow... I started to regret for the first time how I had continued to avoid you.”
“...”
"I had to ask you properly once. I had to try to understand you. I had to listen to your story."
“...”
“Heiner.”
A voice as clear as ever called his name.
“The reason you hated me was... simply because I was the daughter of Margrave Dietrich?”
For a moment, a dangerous wave floated over his face.
Heiner clenched his fist, then relaxed it. He stared blankly at her. His eyes seemed to have lost all will.
“There are things you just have to say to know.”
Annette spoke in a calm and sensitive tone.
“There are things you need to know. To just continue on as if nothing had happened... we've been through too much, and we've spent too much time together.”
“...Even if nothing changes?”
“Even if it doesn’t guarantee us a future, so that we don’t leave each other with any more regrets.”
There was no future for them.
They both knew it.
Reconnecting a relationship that had already been shattered into pieces would only cause pain to both parties.
Even if Annette knew and understood his past, it didn't mean the old feelings between them would be completely resolved.
Their path will be littered with remnants of the past. To be together, they must tread on sharp shards of glass strewn across the path.
That's why Annette didn't talk about their future together. Instead, she spoke of the regrets they would each have in their lives.
“Heiner, what on earth do you think of me?”
She asked again.
Their breaths were intertwined in the air.
In the silence that followed, countless things rose like smoke. They were feelings inherited from the past, where they had scratched and wounded each other.
After a long hesitation, he moved his lips with difficulty.
“Annette, I...”
Actually, I.
I didn't want to show you my pathetic appearance. You were too beautiful and precious.
“I... have been... for a long time...”
But at the same time, I wanted you to know me. If you really loved me, as you said, I hoped you would.
“It’s been a really long time...”
Even though I know that it can't be true.
“I’ve been thinking about you all along.”
Even though I know you can't truly love me.
"You were the only thing I ever wanted in my hellish life. I knew I shouldn't want you, but I knew the more I wanted you, the more miserable I'd become..."
The end of his words trembled. Heiner closed his eyes for a moment and tried to control his breathing.
"It felt like it was all your fault that my life was such a mess. You lived such a brilliant life that just looking at it felt like a sin... It made me realize how messed up my life was."
Annette looked up at him with wavering eyes.
Even his face, withered and gaunt from hardship, was so sublimely beautiful that she felt an urge to flee from this place, like darkness fleeing from the light.
Heiner suddenly realized something.
Even at the moment when he dragged that woman to the floor, he was always at her feet.
"Why..."
Annette asked in a trembling voice.
"Why didn't you tell me from the beginning? What you've been through, that you've known me for a long time... Why didn't you tell me from the beginning..."
"The feelings I have for you aren't the romantic love you once dreamed of. It's just a twisted, ugly obsession."
His heart was flawed from beginning to end. There was no way he could have found an ideal path, one that could only be paved with love.
"Still, at first, I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to understand my life. I wanted you to understand my pain, my suffering. But when I actually faced you, you..."
There was a pause.
“You are... so pure and noble, without any trace.”
Heiner took a step back from her. Two steps, three steps... He slowly backed away.
“So, so I couldn’t say.”
Moonlight poured through the open window. Heiner's trembling hands reached for his shirt buttons.
“Because you and I have lived such different lives.”
He unbuttoned his white shirt, one button at a time. The hem of his white shirt fell open, revealing his firm, bare chest. Under the moonlight, the surface of his body shone brightly.
Thud, the shirt fell to the floor.
Annette took a sharp breath and covered her mouth with both hands.
“In front of you, I didn’t want to show myself so miserable and ugly... to the very bottom.”
He smiled crookedly.
“That’s why I couldn’t say it...”
As soon as she entered the ward and closed the door, Heiner let go of her hand and turned away. Annette was trapped between him and the door, blinking.
Standing with his back to the moonlight, his body, shrouded in shadow, looked particularly gigantic.
Heiner spoke in a suppressed voice, as if gritting his teeth.
“...What do you want to do?”
Annette remained silent, unsure how to interpret his sudden words. Heiner's voice, perhaps aggravated by her silence, rose even higher.
"What the hell is the problem? Are you trying to pick a fight with me?"
“I don’t think so...”
"Then what is this? If not receiving proper rehabilitation and just sitting in the lobby from morning till night, then what is it?"
“I am receiving proper treatment.”
“Don’t lie. You don’t intend to receive it properly.”
Annette was speechless. In fact, he wasn't wrong. She wasn't intentionally refusing treatment, but she wasn't enthusiastic about it either.
It wasn't for any particular reason; I just didn't have the motivation. My hands were already ruined, so what good was it?
“...That has nothing to do with it. I’m not protesting either.”
“Then why are you sitting in the lobby like that all day?”
“That was indeed waiting for you.”
“Really...”
But Heiner looked even more upset about it.
“You really never do what I want you to do.”
"I just wanted to talk to you. If you didn't want to see me, just keep it brief..."
“You said I didn’t want to see you?”
Heiner gasped, as if in shock. After a brief pause, he spoke in a gravelly voice.
“I was going to let you go, just like you wanted...!”
“I wanted to say thank you.”
Heiner shut his mouth, as if taken aback. Annette added in a whisper.
“...Thank you for coming to save me.”
“...”
“I wanted to say I’m sorry again.”
Silence fell between them. For a while, he said nothing. Annette simply looked up at him with cautious eyes.
Heiner trembled and turned his head away, as if her gaze were unbearable torture. He spoke with difficulty.
“You... don’t need to say that.”
"You're free to accept my thanks and apologies. I just wanted to talk."
“I don’t know why you wanted to talk to me again, but at this point─”
“I met someone who was your former colleague.”
Annette spoke in a quiet tone. For a moment, a slight tremble appeared in Heiner's eyes.
Heiner also knew about this. According to survivors' accounts, a certain Captain Frances, who spoke fluent Padanian, introduced himself as the Commander-in-Chief's old friend and colleague.
Elliot Sydow.
Jackson.
It was a name he never thought he would meet again like this.
However, Heiner didn't know exactly what was going on between Jackson and Annette. He could only guess.
“...So, have you heard anything about my past?”
Heiner felt a strange sense of shame at the knowledge she had of his tragic past. Ironically, he had long hoped Annette would know about him.
“Do you want to feel sympathy?”
He knew he shouldn't have said this to her. Even so, he was still angry about the whole situation.
Annette was just sitting in the lobby, not taking care of herself, thanking the person who ruined her life, and apologizing when he should be the one who should be apologizing.
He tried so hard to cut everything off, but he ended up in this miserable state.
Heiner was truly determined never to see her again. He knew he'd be shaken if they did. He knew he'd want to throw everything away and cling to her.
But in the end, this is what happened. Ultimately, things went her way. He had never defeated Annette even once.
Not even once.
Annette opened her mouth calmly, not knowing whether she knew his feelings or not.
"Heiner, I told you before. I loved you, so I avoided knowing about you. The moment we found out, it would hurt us."
Blue eyes stared straight at him in the darkness.
“But after hearing the story about you from Captain Sydow... I started to regret for the first time how I had continued to avoid you.”
“...”
"I had to ask you properly once. I had to try to understand you. I had to listen to your story."
“...”
“Heiner.”
A voice as clear as ever called his name.
“The reason you hated me was... simply because I was the daughter of Margrave Dietrich?”
For a moment, a dangerous wave floated over his face.
Heiner clenched his fist, then relaxed it. He stared blankly at her. His eyes seemed to have lost all will.
“There are things you just have to say to know.”
Annette spoke in a calm and sensitive tone.
“There are things you need to know. To just continue on as if nothing had happened... we've been through too much, and we've spent too much time together.”
“...Even if nothing changes?”
“Even if it doesn’t guarantee us a future, so that we don’t leave each other with any more regrets.”
There was no future for them.
They both knew it.
Reconnecting a relationship that had already been shattered into pieces would only cause pain to both parties.
Even if Annette knew and understood his past, it didn't mean the old feelings between them would be completely resolved.
Their path will be littered with remnants of the past. To be together, they must tread on sharp shards of glass strewn across the path.
That's why Annette didn't talk about their future together. Instead, she spoke of the regrets they would each have in their lives.
“Heiner, what on earth do you think of me?”
She asked again.
Their breaths were intertwined in the air.
In the silence that followed, countless things rose like smoke. They were feelings inherited from the past, where they had scratched and wounded each other.
After a long hesitation, he moved his lips with difficulty.
“Annette, I...”
Actually, I.
I didn't want to show you my pathetic appearance. You were too beautiful and precious.
“I... have been... for a long time...”
But at the same time, I wanted you to know me. If you really loved me, as you said, I hoped you would.
“It’s been a really long time...”
Even though I know that it can't be true.
“I’ve been thinking about you all along.”
Even though I know you can't truly love me.
"You were the only thing I ever wanted in my hellish life. I knew I shouldn't want you, but I knew the more I wanted you, the more miserable I'd become..."
The end of his words trembled. Heiner closed his eyes for a moment and tried to control his breathing.
"It felt like it was all your fault that my life was such a mess. You lived such a brilliant life that just looking at it felt like a sin... It made me realize how messed up my life was."
Annette looked up at him with wavering eyes.
Even his face, withered and gaunt from hardship, was so sublimely beautiful that she felt an urge to flee from this place, like darkness fleeing from the light.
Heiner suddenly realized something.
Even at the moment when he dragged that woman to the floor, he was always at her feet.
"Why..."
Annette asked in a trembling voice.
"Why didn't you tell me from the beginning? What you've been through, that you've known me for a long time... Why didn't you tell me from the beginning..."
"The feelings I have for you aren't the romantic love you once dreamed of. It's just a twisted, ugly obsession."
His heart was flawed from beginning to end. There was no way he could have found an ideal path, one that could only be paved with love.
"Still, at first, I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to understand my life. I wanted you to understand my pain, my suffering. But when I actually faced you, you..."
There was a pause.
“You are... so pure and noble, without any trace.”
Heiner took a step back from her. Two steps, three steps... He slowly backed away.
“So, so I couldn’t say.”
Moonlight poured through the open window. Heiner's trembling hands reached for his shirt buttons.
“Because you and I have lived such different lives.”
He unbuttoned his white shirt, one button at a time. The hem of his white shirt fell open, revealing his firm, bare chest. Under the moonlight, the surface of his body shone brightly.
Thud, the shirt fell to the floor.
Annette took a sharp breath and covered her mouth with both hands.
“In front of you, I didn’t want to show myself so miserable and ugly... to the very bottom.”
He smiled crookedly.
“That’s why I couldn’t say it...”
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