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Annette stared at him, somewhat bewildered, without answering. Still unable to grasp the situation, he asked in a flat tone.
“Do you remember what happened before you collapsed?”
“...Roughly.”
"You collapsed. I heard it was from overwork, malnutrition, and lack of sleep."
“..."
“Go back in. You need to get some more rest.”
“No, I.”
Annette tried to shake her head, but Heiner was first. He pushed her back into the room, as if he would tolerate no resistance.
With little strength left in her body, even Heiner's slightest pressure easily pushed her away. He entered the room with her and closed the door behind him.
Heiner almost forcefully sat her down on the bed and gave her an order.
“Lie down.”
But Annette didn't lie down again, just sat there, hunched over on the bed. He sighed in embarrassment, as if he couldn't force her to lie down.
Annette spoke as firmly as she could.
“I have to go.”
"You didn't even use your vacation time. Think about using it now."
“Even if I rest, I want to rest in my own home. If other people find out.”
"I ordered them to be moved here. I kept it a secret from the outside world, so you don't have to worry."
“I have no authority to stay here.”
“I will determine that authority.”
Heiner, who had been speaking so stubbornly that even a needle wouldn't go in, added softly after a while.
“...This is an order.”
It was a really insignificant order.
Annette bit her lower lip. She'd clearly told him when they'd last parted ways: that she hoped they'd never see each other in private again.
But Heiner stubbornly ignored her wishes. Even after the divorce, she still couldn't free herself from him.
“...You’re going to continue like this until the very end. I’m disappointed in you, Your Excellency.”
“Be disappointed.”
“I clearly told you not to see me, but why did you move me to Your Excellency’s barracks?”
“How many more times must I see you unconscious?”
“It is not your concern, Your Excellency.”
“Even if I hadn’t seen you collapse with my own eyes, I would have tried my best to respect your wishes.”
“You saw it yourself? Where on earth were you?”
Annette asked with a frown. She wondered if he was spying on her. But Heiner responded without a shred of sincerity.
“I was just passing through.”
“Then why didn’t you just pass by?”
"I know your position in the field hospital. I figured you wouldn't be able to rest properly there. Am I wrong?"
“So you should have just left me in the front!”
“You know exactly what the situation is at the front, so you want to stay there?”
"For me, the front is better than this place. If I were there, at least I wouldn't be stressed like this."
“What kind of stress are you talking about?”
"Everything! The rumors about me, the disparagement of my abilities, even meeting Your Excellency—everything! Oh, is that good for Your Excellency? That I'm in a more difficult situation?"
“I didn’t know you were such a sarcastic woman.”
“It’s good that you know now.”
Annette, extremely stressed and exhausted, was quite sensitive. This became even more so when she remembered that the cause of this situation was him, the one who had ordered her to the rear hospital.
Heiner stared at her with a speechless expression, then roughly ran a hand down his face.
“Annette, I really don’t want to fight with you!”
“If we don’t see each other, there won’t be anything to fight about.”
“Why on earth do we always meet...!”
“Because I don’t understand!”
Heiner closed his mouth. Annette, her face swollen with emotion, spoke as if she had been holding back for a long time.
"Your Excellency, you're the one who destroyed everything I had. I'm not blaming you, it's just the truth. I simply don't understand why you're acting like this now. It would be better if you told me Your Excellency's revenge isn't over yet! That would be more understandable!"
"Do you need to understand? I'm trying to give you back what I can, and I'm serious! Isn't that enough? Why on earth are you making things more difficult?"
"You told me before, you never asked for my sympathy. Don't think about anything. Just go with the flow. That's what I do best."
“Annette, I.”
“Yes, that’s right. I’ve been avoiding thinking about it my whole life.”
Their gazes locked without a single misstep. Annette continued speaking, steadying her breathing as it became increasingly unsteady.
"So I'm going to stop doing that. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to understand others."
“...Understand? You? You...will never understand.”
"I know."
"...”
“But I can try.”
Heiner's eyes flickered for a moment. He shook his head, shuddered slightly, and let out a suppressed voice.
“You’re going to spend your life trying to understand other people...?”
Ha. A mocking sob escaped him.
"I'm still not there. Not as an object of hatred, not as an object of understanding... I haven't been able to occupy even a single piece of your life, have I?"
Heiner's face slowly crumbled. It seemed like a very slow decline.
“Annette. You really are a woman... with a knack for making people feel worthless.”
“...”
"It was all, it was all meaningless. Everything I did... was all meaningless. It was going to end like this anyway─"
“I loved you!”
Annette screamed, as if in a fit of rage. For a moment, Heiner's shoulders tensed.
"That's why I won't hate you or understand you. Because if I do, we'll both end up hurting!"
Annette looked as if she was about to burst into tears, but at the same time, she looked as if she was furious to the core.
"We hurt each other just by meeting each other. Why don't you understand this? Why are you so stupid? If you keep doing this, you're ruining not only me, but you too!"
"...Love? Don't lie. You're just trying to trump up your feelings, which you don't want to have even a single step into my life."
"Yeah, it wasn't love, right? Because what I loved wasn't the real you! So what do you want me to do? I didn't know anything about the real you to begin with, so what are we even talking about now?"
“If you knew that, then don’t make up excuses like you loved me!”
He growled like a wounded beast.
"You never loved me, not even once! Even after you found out I'd been deceiving you, you never even tried to get to know the real me!"
“Because I was scared to know!”
"No, you didn't want to know. For three years after the revolution, you've been yearning for illusions! Trapped in illusions, believing you'd return to the past! Unable to even perceive reality...!"
“I knew it! It was all a lie!”
As the scream broke into a choked squeal, a tear slipped down Annette's cheek. A brief silence fell between them.
“...I knew you wouldn’t come back.”
Heiner stood there, transfixed, staring at her blankly.
"That there's no turning back. That you never loved me in the first place. I knew it all... but I couldn't get it confirmed by your own mouth."
“...”
"Then there's really nothing left for me. There's really no reason to live. Death is the best option I can choose."
As she closed her eyes as if collapsing, the tears that had been heavy in her eyes fell down.
“I chose to live with such a mindset, but why does your keep... keeps tormenting me...?”
Her words trembled faintly and then died down. Annette swallowed back a sob and lowered her head.
In the precarious silence, old, worn-out hearts trembled. Life without gills rose to the surface to breathe, only to sink again, unable to bear the weight.
Heiner stood there, like a soldier who had fallen out of line. His face seemed fearful, unable to tell whether the approaching force through the forest was friend or foe.
A voice, as if carved with a chisel, flowed out, scratching his throat.
"... Don't cry."
Heiner took a staggering step forward, his trembling hands reaching into the air.
“Don’t cry, please... I don’t know what to do if you cry...”
He muttered to himself, holding her head awkwardly.
“I only become unhappy when I’m with you...”
“Do you remember what happened before you collapsed?”
“...Roughly.”
"You collapsed. I heard it was from overwork, malnutrition, and lack of sleep."
“..."
“Go back in. You need to get some more rest.”
“No, I.”
Annette tried to shake her head, but Heiner was first. He pushed her back into the room, as if he would tolerate no resistance.
With little strength left in her body, even Heiner's slightest pressure easily pushed her away. He entered the room with her and closed the door behind him.
Heiner almost forcefully sat her down on the bed and gave her an order.
“Lie down.”
But Annette didn't lie down again, just sat there, hunched over on the bed. He sighed in embarrassment, as if he couldn't force her to lie down.
Annette spoke as firmly as she could.
“I have to go.”
"You didn't even use your vacation time. Think about using it now."
“Even if I rest, I want to rest in my own home. If other people find out.”
"I ordered them to be moved here. I kept it a secret from the outside world, so you don't have to worry."
“I have no authority to stay here.”
“I will determine that authority.”
Heiner, who had been speaking so stubbornly that even a needle wouldn't go in, added softly after a while.
“...This is an order.”
It was a really insignificant order.
Annette bit her lower lip. She'd clearly told him when they'd last parted ways: that she hoped they'd never see each other in private again.
But Heiner stubbornly ignored her wishes. Even after the divorce, she still couldn't free herself from him.
“...You’re going to continue like this until the very end. I’m disappointed in you, Your Excellency.”
“Be disappointed.”
“I clearly told you not to see me, but why did you move me to Your Excellency’s barracks?”
“How many more times must I see you unconscious?”
“It is not your concern, Your Excellency.”
“Even if I hadn’t seen you collapse with my own eyes, I would have tried my best to respect your wishes.”
“You saw it yourself? Where on earth were you?”
Annette asked with a frown. She wondered if he was spying on her. But Heiner responded without a shred of sincerity.
“I was just passing through.”
“Then why didn’t you just pass by?”
"I know your position in the field hospital. I figured you wouldn't be able to rest properly there. Am I wrong?"
“So you should have just left me in the front!”
“You know exactly what the situation is at the front, so you want to stay there?”
"For me, the front is better than this place. If I were there, at least I wouldn't be stressed like this."
“What kind of stress are you talking about?”
"Everything! The rumors about me, the disparagement of my abilities, even meeting Your Excellency—everything! Oh, is that good for Your Excellency? That I'm in a more difficult situation?"
“I didn’t know you were such a sarcastic woman.”
“It’s good that you know now.”
Annette, extremely stressed and exhausted, was quite sensitive. This became even more so when she remembered that the cause of this situation was him, the one who had ordered her to the rear hospital.
Heiner stared at her with a speechless expression, then roughly ran a hand down his face.
“Annette, I really don’t want to fight with you!”
“If we don’t see each other, there won’t be anything to fight about.”
“Why on earth do we always meet...!”
“Because I don’t understand!”
Heiner closed his mouth. Annette, her face swollen with emotion, spoke as if she had been holding back for a long time.
"Your Excellency, you're the one who destroyed everything I had. I'm not blaming you, it's just the truth. I simply don't understand why you're acting like this now. It would be better if you told me Your Excellency's revenge isn't over yet! That would be more understandable!"
"Do you need to understand? I'm trying to give you back what I can, and I'm serious! Isn't that enough? Why on earth are you making things more difficult?"
"You told me before, you never asked for my sympathy. Don't think about anything. Just go with the flow. That's what I do best."
“Annette, I.”
“Yes, that’s right. I’ve been avoiding thinking about it my whole life.”
Their gazes locked without a single misstep. Annette continued speaking, steadying her breathing as it became increasingly unsteady.
"So I'm going to stop doing that. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to understand others."
“...Understand? You? You...will never understand.”
"I know."
"...”
“But I can try.”
Heiner's eyes flickered for a moment. He shook his head, shuddered slightly, and let out a suppressed voice.
“You’re going to spend your life trying to understand other people...?”
Ha. A mocking sob escaped him.
"I'm still not there. Not as an object of hatred, not as an object of understanding... I haven't been able to occupy even a single piece of your life, have I?"
Heiner's face slowly crumbled. It seemed like a very slow decline.
“Annette. You really are a woman... with a knack for making people feel worthless.”
“...”
"It was all, it was all meaningless. Everything I did... was all meaningless. It was going to end like this anyway─"
“I loved you!”
Annette screamed, as if in a fit of rage. For a moment, Heiner's shoulders tensed.
"That's why I won't hate you or understand you. Because if I do, we'll both end up hurting!"
Annette looked as if she was about to burst into tears, but at the same time, she looked as if she was furious to the core.
"We hurt each other just by meeting each other. Why don't you understand this? Why are you so stupid? If you keep doing this, you're ruining not only me, but you too!"
"...Love? Don't lie. You're just trying to trump up your feelings, which you don't want to have even a single step into my life."
"Yeah, it wasn't love, right? Because what I loved wasn't the real you! So what do you want me to do? I didn't know anything about the real you to begin with, so what are we even talking about now?"
“If you knew that, then don’t make up excuses like you loved me!”
He growled like a wounded beast.
"You never loved me, not even once! Even after you found out I'd been deceiving you, you never even tried to get to know the real me!"
“Because I was scared to know!”
"No, you didn't want to know. For three years after the revolution, you've been yearning for illusions! Trapped in illusions, believing you'd return to the past! Unable to even perceive reality...!"
“I knew it! It was all a lie!”
As the scream broke into a choked squeal, a tear slipped down Annette's cheek. A brief silence fell between them.
“...I knew you wouldn’t come back.”
Heiner stood there, transfixed, staring at her blankly.
"That there's no turning back. That you never loved me in the first place. I knew it all... but I couldn't get it confirmed by your own mouth."
“...”
"Then there's really nothing left for me. There's really no reason to live. Death is the best option I can choose."
As she closed her eyes as if collapsing, the tears that had been heavy in her eyes fell down.
“I chose to live with such a mindset, but why does your keep... keeps tormenting me...?”
Her words trembled faintly and then died down. Annette swallowed back a sob and lowered her head.
In the precarious silence, old, worn-out hearts trembled. Life without gills rose to the surface to breathe, only to sink again, unable to bear the weight.
Heiner stood there, like a soldier who had fallen out of line. His face seemed fearful, unable to tell whether the approaching force through the forest was friend or foe.
A voice, as if carved with a chisel, flowed out, scratching his throat.
"... Don't cry."
Heiner took a staggering step forward, his trembling hands reaching into the air.
“Don’t cry, please... I don’t know what to do if you cry...”
He muttered to himself, holding her head awkwardly.
“I only become unhappy when I’m with you...”
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