This Love Is Like Death - Chapter 134



“Yes, that’s right.”

Ivan stared at Yui as he answered. Yui, sensing Ivan's gaze, quickly straightened her expression and, with the same expression as before, answered Prince Musan on his behalf.

"You may stay for as many days as you wish. We will treat you like guests at Escliff."

Prince Musan chuckled upon hearing Ivan's proposal. He even expressed gratitude for the offer. Throughout the conversation, Yui avoided meeting Ivan's eyes. Until then, she had been staring at him with such nonchalance, but now she seemed to be hiding something.

***

The welcoming party lasted late into the night. Perhaps it was strange to be surrounded by so many people who looked like his mother, but Ian, with his eyes wide open, insisted on staying until the banquet concluded.

“Now that it’s all over, you should go to bed, Ian.”

Finally, the banquet ended, and the guests began to walk to their assigned rooms. Ivan handed Ian, who was yawning repeatedly and then beginning to nod off, into the servant's arms.

Even so, Yui's gaze never missed Ian's movements. While Ivan was by Ian's side, Yui never looked at him. But the moment the child was separated from him, carried in the servant's arms, she couldn't help but feel a pang of longing for her child. She seemed completely unaware that Ian's appearance was even more visible when he was away from Ivan.

“...”

Yui spoke to Prince Musan, then casually stepped out the side door and left. Ivan, not missing her, followed her.

He didn't do anything special. He simply watched the little boy drift away in the servant's arms. It wasn't hard to imagine how much he missed and longed for his beloved child, having not seen him for years.

“You cut your hair.”

Yui, unaware of the man hiding in the shadows, opened her eyes wide in surprise. Ivan moved as far back as Yui, maintaining the same distance. Moonlight slanted over Ivan.

“It suits you well.”

Yui didn't respond to Ivan's compliments. Not even a word of thanks, not even an expression of understanding.

“It’s also nice to see you looking much healthier and fitter than before.”

But Ivan was already certain who Yui was, so he didn't back down. He didn't even try to float around aimlessly.

"Ian grew up healthy and well. I tried to make sure he didn't feel the loss of his mother, but I think that was too much."

“...”

“He always went to see your portrait.”

At Ivan's words, Yui finally took a deep breath.

“I wasn’t enough.”

At Ivan's words, Yui's eyes twisted slightly. She seemed to realize that since Ivan already knew who she was, there was no point in trying to hide her existence.

“I thought you were dead.”

Ivan spoke in a muttered voice, his heart like a ruin, crumbling with despair and sorrow, and then crumbling again. In the quiet garden, where everyone had vacated their seats, the gentle breeze carried his voice clearly.

“How did you find out?”

Yui asked the question without being moved by Ivan's sorrow in the past or Ivan's joy in the present.

“You cut your hair, your clothes are different, and your appearance has changed a little.”

And how could he have been so confident and unwavering in his own opinion when she treated him so coldly? It seemed strange.

“Because I always thought about it.”

“...”

"When Ian was sick, when he laughed, when he celebrated his birthday, when he looked for his mother. The sleepless dawn, the moment I saw something black, the day I remembered the last night we spent together."

Ivan answered calmly. It was every moment of his life.

“When I couldn’t remember your face for a moment, I thought of it more desperately.”

No matter how much time passed, he didn't want to forget. Even though he knew that erasing the dead woman from his memories would help him live a more peaceful life.

“Didn’t you marry Jane Clarke?”

“After you left, I broke off the engagement. Instead, I gave her the earldom I had reclaimed from the Count Skipper.”

Thanks to his confession, the atmosphere became much more relaxed, but Yui's expressionless face remained unchanged.

“And the name is Amelia Escliffe.”

“...”

"You've completely vanished from this land. You've fallen at the hands of Aaron Skipper. You're free, untethered to anyone."

But the moment Ivan mentioned that Amelia's name had disappeared from Escliffe and that Yui was a being enjoying complete freedom, her face became more relaxed than before.

"Thank you."

“...”

“For keeping your promise and for raising Ian well.”

Yui expressed her gratitude with a faint smile. For giving eternal rest to poor Amelia Escliff and for caring so tenderly for Ian.

“Because Ian is my child too.”

But Ivan said he didn't want any thanks, as if he didn't want to be bothered by the work he'd done raising his own children.

"Actually, I was a little worried that you might have neglected Ian or thrown him away somewhere. That's why I really wanted to check."

“...”

“You know, there was a time when that happened.”

“...”

“But you really do love Ian. That’s a relief.”

Yui, who felt sincerity in his words, completely regained peace.

“Just as you said, I am now free and happy.”

Yui's gaze at Ivan was warm.

“Because I have found a world where I am no longer a stranger, and where I can live as myself, unbound by others.”

Yui's happiness wasn't fake. It was painful to find it only after leaving Ivan's side.

“I hope you are happy now, too.”

And the fact that she was praying for Ivan's happiness without any confidence was even more heartbreaking.

“I’ll stop now.”

As Yui spoke, she tried to pass Ivan. Ivan, who had been standing helplessly, couldn't stand it anymore and grabbed Yui.

“Do you want me to be happy without you?”

Ivan asked.

“Happiness is not something you seek from others, but something you find within yourself.”

Yui revealed the realization she gained after years of searching for her true self. The happiness she sought by relying on others was always shallow, fragile, and easily broken. Only after realizing this did Yui truly learn how to stand on her own two feet.

“I don’t know about that.”

But Ivan denied Yui's enlightenment.

“If I have to lose you like this, it’s better to live forever never knowing.”

Even if it's that shallow, fragile, fragile happiness, he wants to find it by Yui's side. That anxiety is something he can endure.

“I was wrong. So, feel sorry for me and think of saving my life.”

Ivan pleaded. But even his plea, as usual, was arrogant, like an order. Yui burst out laughing for a moment.

“Please look at me with pity, struggling to not forget you.”

But the hand that clung to her didn't lie. It wasn't arrogant at all. Yui stared blankly down at the trembling hand of the man who had grabbed her as she tried to leave.

“...Why were you struggling?”

“Because I love you.”

Ivan answered clearly.

"Because I don't like anyone else but you. I want to relegate you to nothing more than a memory, and I don't want to have anyone else by my side."

Late summer flower buds burst forth. Like the desperate truth of a man, unable to hold back, bursting forth, saying, "If you're going to abandon me like this, then kill me instead."

“Please, don’t leave me again.”

Yui silently gazed into Ivan's flushed eyes. Her eyes, barely able to contain their sorrow, resembled her son, Ian, exactly. The only thing Ian shared with Yui was his eyes.

So perhaps this defeat was expected.

Yui sighed softly and took her hand from Ivan's.

"Yes."

And before Ivan could even look shocked, she answered. Ivan blinked, his face not immediately understanding what he'd heard.

“I won’t go.”

Yui, who had been watching him in her ignorance, answered with certainty. She seemed to realize that he wouldn't understand unless she explained it in detail.

“I told you I’m not going.”

Then, tears fell from Ivan's wet eyes. Yui gently wiped Ian's eyes with her thumb, as he cried like a young boy. Then she kissed him quietly.

Then Ivan hugged Yui tightly, as if squeezing her tightly, and dug deeper into her. It felt like a determination not to let go again, and Yui smiled slightly.

The wind, with its sweet sighs, blew again and swept through the garden. The leaves clinging to the branches rustled pleasantly, and the flower petals swayed rustlingly.


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