“Ugh....”
As Else entered the chapel, sobbing began. Else looked at the source of the sobbing with dry eyes. Only Else knew who Else's daughter was. Even though many people had known Hermi since the baptism, no one knew what kind of child she was. How small and fragile... How much she loved her mother. No one here could know that.
Since she was the king's illegitimate child, there weren't many people who had affection for her other than curiosity. That child, that child... Else bit her lip and held back her tears. And yet, to hear crying in this place? It didn't seem real. But these tears are nothing. It was the place where Hermi was living. Else looked away with a pale face. The child's father was standing in front of Hermi's body. Else approached him and stood next to him. Soon after, the funeral mass began.
Else closed her eyes and clasped her hands together. She wished the whole world would just fall apart and scatter beneath her feet.
“Else.”
The nobles who had filled the chapel were leaving like the tide. They had told her not to spare any expense in paying tribute to the Princess, but the monotonous chapel was now slickly painted and decorated with white flowers for the funeral. Else was groping the air with her dull eyes. The priest who was leading the mass left as soon as the first funeral ceremony was over. There were five funeral rites in total, and one of them was over, so if she didn’t rest now, she would be exhausted.
"Sorry."
Sibyl apologized. Else didn’t look back at him. She just stared blankly at the air. It was hard to look down at Hermi. The child had fallen asleep among the flowers and candles. When day passed and night came, she would wake up again and be held in her arms. As she looked at her softly closed eyes, she remembered her daughter’s gentle smile as she looked for milk.
But Hermi would never wake up again. Now, there was no need to open her eyes and see Else. Yes. That was reality. Thinking like that made it hard to even breathe. So she thought that this funeral was a royal event, like a baptism. Hermi was just asleep. She thought that if she believed that, at least for this moment, she would not lose her mind.
"... it's okay."
Else answered with lost eyes. A dry voice came out of her locked throat. Sibyl looked down at the woman who did not look back at him. Unlike when she had rushed at him like a demon, red and blue, Else had no expression. She looked calm and detached. Her paleness that seemed like it would break was tasteless and odorless. That made it even more terrifying.
It was better when she had cried and wailed and tried to shake him. Sibyl had thought Else would sob at the funeral. She was ready to carry her unconscious body back to the bedroom. But Else had not squirmed once. Was she breathing? She was looking down at the child like a wax doll. He was anxious. Now, he was more afraid of Else standing in front of the child than of looking down at the dead child.
“Look at me.”
He grabbed her hunched shoulder and turned her around. Else had a blank expression. She didn’t show even a hint of emotion. His hand touched her thin shoulder with force. Nothing flowed from Else’s dry lips.
“We still have something left.”
His face hardened. He tried not to harden, but it did. He didn’t want to say those words to the dead child. We shouldn’t break down yet. We still have things to take care of. So, Else, let’s start over. I was wrong. Give me one more chance. But her lips wouldn’t move any further.
Else's still eyes met Sibyl's hardened face. A cold, dreary feeling of dread surged through her, and fear surged back again. He felt like he was facing the floor. He felt like he would die if he thought he had already been thrown down.
“...I don’t love you.”
As Sybil was looking at her white eyes, from which even the redness had disappeared, her lips that had been closed began to move. Sibyl, unable to understand what he had heard, just looked down at her blankly.
“We have nothing left.”
“...Think and speak.”
His mind began to burn black. He grabbed her shoulder so hard that it almost broke. Else didn’t moan, but spoke each syllable clearly.
“I’ve always regretted it since I loved you.”
“I told you to think before you speak.”
“Should I say it any clearer? I regret loving you.”
Else, who had been looking down at the floor for a moment, raised her gaze and muttered softly. Her eyes, which had started to become wet, began to turn red again. Sibyl bit his lips in anger. His unorganized breathing reached Else’s eyes.
"You."
“Whether you kill that woman or keep her alive, it has nothing to do with me. It doesn’t matter if you marry that woman. If you don’t like it, marry another woman. But let me go. I don’t care what you do, so I...”
“Abelard?”
“I hope your wife is a woman who feels sorry for a child who has lost his mother and sister.”
It was a moment. Her vision spun around. Her back hit the marble floor. If it weren’t for Sibyl’s hand, the back of her head would have been hit defenselessly. Else held her breath and grabbed Sibyl’s arm. He looked down at her without saying anything. Else’s eyes were distorted. The tears that had gathered soaked the bottom of her eyes. As she turned her head along with her gaze, a rough hand grabbed her chin and held it in place.
“Say it again.”
“I want to go back.”
"No."
“I don’t love you.”
Else spoke coldly, as if she were trying to cut him off. Sybil glared at her menacingly.
“...That’s not it, Elsie.”
“I regret my love. I regret loving you! I was so miserable loving you. I am so miserable even now. I want to die, Sybil. I, I!”
The hand that had been holding her chin turned Else over. Else just cried, not knowing what was happening. She couldn’t let all the things that were welling up pour out, so she swallowed them. However, when she looked at Sibyl’s face, all the evil things that had been seething began to surge up again.
“Do you want to get pregnant?”
“Ugh...”
Long fingers lifted the hem of her dress. Else, who had regained consciousness, realized that she was on the floor. She blinked her eyes and pursed her lips. Her wet breath mixed with her sobs, causing her to sniffle with each breath. She turned around, trembling. She whispered, blinking her wet eyelashes.
“What, what... No. No...”
It was distant. Else bit her molars. Sybil’s breath touched the nape of her neck. Her vision became hazy. The child had died a while ago, and now, in this place. His eyes were closed in front of her. Else had a hard time just looking down at her dead child. It was so painful and painful that she wanted to stop breathing right away. She bit her lip and tried to shake him off. She blinked her swollen eyes and felt the man approaching her. In this place. In this place where she was sending off her dead child... She couldn’t believe that she was being insulted by the father who had created the child together.
“Sibyl. Sibyl. Wait a minute... Ugh, huff, this won’t do.”
Else hunched her shoulders against the shadow cast over her. She had no strength to convulse or swear. Even if she screamed and writhed, she didn’t think she could get him off. Else opened her lips in a hurry to calm him down. But she couldn’t stop Sibyl. Even if she used all her strength, she couldn’t overcome his brute force.
“In front of Hermi. In front of us, our daughter. Please. Sybil... Heh.”
"You..."
Sibyl bit her lip. He lifted Else up again. She glared at him, shivering. Sibyl took three steps away from her. Else hunched her shoulders and crossed her arms. It was just dizzying. She was half-asleep, half-asleep, half-conscious.
“...Please stop. Stop it now.”
Else whispered to the man who was just glaring at her, stepping back from her. She wanted to stop now. The time she had loved. It was so distant that she wondered if such a time had ever existed. Sybil stared at the woman who was struggling to breathe and clenched her fists.
“I won’t stop. I.”
“Ugh, ugh...”
As she cried with her head down, his breath suddenly covered her. Else felt her blood run cold in the hot and dizzy sensation. She wished that she could just stop breathing. She wished that Sibyl would take her breath away.
'Then I can meet Hermi.'
Sibyl looked down at the woman in his arms. No matter how much he had, she was an empty woman. A woman he could not have, no matter what he did. How on earth did it become like this?
'I don't love you.'
The black words that this woman had shouted lingered in his mind, tormenting his nerves. His nerves were so damaged that flesh-mixed fluid flowed out, and he couldn't see anything.
'I've always regretted it since I loved you.'
It felt like blood was rushing to his head. Regret... He twisted his lips coarsely. Else cried as if she were going to die in front of her dead daughter. However, Sibyl’s mind was filled with the sharp words she had uttered, rather than the woman’s tears. He glared at the woman and parted his lips.
As Else entered the chapel, sobbing began. Else looked at the source of the sobbing with dry eyes. Only Else knew who Else's daughter was. Even though many people had known Hermi since the baptism, no one knew what kind of child she was. How small and fragile... How much she loved her mother. No one here could know that.
Since she was the king's illegitimate child, there weren't many people who had affection for her other than curiosity. That child, that child... Else bit her lip and held back her tears. And yet, to hear crying in this place? It didn't seem real. But these tears are nothing. It was the place where Hermi was living. Else looked away with a pale face. The child's father was standing in front of Hermi's body. Else approached him and stood next to him. Soon after, the funeral mass began.
Else closed her eyes and clasped her hands together. She wished the whole world would just fall apart and scatter beneath her feet.
***
“Else.”
The nobles who had filled the chapel were leaving like the tide. They had told her not to spare any expense in paying tribute to the Princess, but the monotonous chapel was now slickly painted and decorated with white flowers for the funeral. Else was groping the air with her dull eyes. The priest who was leading the mass left as soon as the first funeral ceremony was over. There were five funeral rites in total, and one of them was over, so if she didn’t rest now, she would be exhausted.
"Sorry."
Sibyl apologized. Else didn’t look back at him. She just stared blankly at the air. It was hard to look down at Hermi. The child had fallen asleep among the flowers and candles. When day passed and night came, she would wake up again and be held in her arms. As she looked at her softly closed eyes, she remembered her daughter’s gentle smile as she looked for milk.
But Hermi would never wake up again. Now, there was no need to open her eyes and see Else. Yes. That was reality. Thinking like that made it hard to even breathe. So she thought that this funeral was a royal event, like a baptism. Hermi was just asleep. She thought that if she believed that, at least for this moment, she would not lose her mind.
"... it's okay."
Else answered with lost eyes. A dry voice came out of her locked throat. Sibyl looked down at the woman who did not look back at him. Unlike when she had rushed at him like a demon, red and blue, Else had no expression. She looked calm and detached. Her paleness that seemed like it would break was tasteless and odorless. That made it even more terrifying.
It was better when she had cried and wailed and tried to shake him. Sibyl had thought Else would sob at the funeral. She was ready to carry her unconscious body back to the bedroom. But Else had not squirmed once. Was she breathing? She was looking down at the child like a wax doll. He was anxious. Now, he was more afraid of Else standing in front of the child than of looking down at the dead child.
“Look at me.”
He grabbed her hunched shoulder and turned her around. Else had a blank expression. She didn’t show even a hint of emotion. His hand touched her thin shoulder with force. Nothing flowed from Else’s dry lips.
“We still have something left.”
His face hardened. He tried not to harden, but it did. He didn’t want to say those words to the dead child. We shouldn’t break down yet. We still have things to take care of. So, Else, let’s start over. I was wrong. Give me one more chance. But her lips wouldn’t move any further.
Else's still eyes met Sibyl's hardened face. A cold, dreary feeling of dread surged through her, and fear surged back again. He felt like he was facing the floor. He felt like he would die if he thought he had already been thrown down.
“...I don’t love you.”
As Sybil was looking at her white eyes, from which even the redness had disappeared, her lips that had been closed began to move. Sibyl, unable to understand what he had heard, just looked down at her blankly.
“We have nothing left.”
“...Think and speak.”
His mind began to burn black. He grabbed her shoulder so hard that it almost broke. Else didn’t moan, but spoke each syllable clearly.
“I’ve always regretted it since I loved you.”
“I told you to think before you speak.”
“Should I say it any clearer? I regret loving you.”
Else, who had been looking down at the floor for a moment, raised her gaze and muttered softly. Her eyes, which had started to become wet, began to turn red again. Sibyl bit his lips in anger. His unorganized breathing reached Else’s eyes.
"You."
“Whether you kill that woman or keep her alive, it has nothing to do with me. It doesn’t matter if you marry that woman. If you don’t like it, marry another woman. But let me go. I don’t care what you do, so I...”
“Abelard?”
“I hope your wife is a woman who feels sorry for a child who has lost his mother and sister.”
It was a moment. Her vision spun around. Her back hit the marble floor. If it weren’t for Sibyl’s hand, the back of her head would have been hit defenselessly. Else held her breath and grabbed Sibyl’s arm. He looked down at her without saying anything. Else’s eyes were distorted. The tears that had gathered soaked the bottom of her eyes. As she turned her head along with her gaze, a rough hand grabbed her chin and held it in place.
“Say it again.”
“I want to go back.”
"No."
“I don’t love you.”
Else spoke coldly, as if she were trying to cut him off. Sybil glared at her menacingly.
“...That’s not it, Elsie.”
“I regret my love. I regret loving you! I was so miserable loving you. I am so miserable even now. I want to die, Sybil. I, I!”
The hand that had been holding her chin turned Else over. Else just cried, not knowing what was happening. She couldn’t let all the things that were welling up pour out, so she swallowed them. However, when she looked at Sibyl’s face, all the evil things that had been seething began to surge up again.
“Do you want to get pregnant?”
“Ugh...”
Long fingers lifted the hem of her dress. Else, who had regained consciousness, realized that she was on the floor. She blinked her eyes and pursed her lips. Her wet breath mixed with her sobs, causing her to sniffle with each breath. She turned around, trembling. She whispered, blinking her wet eyelashes.
“What, what... No. No...”
It was distant. Else bit her molars. Sybil’s breath touched the nape of her neck. Her vision became hazy. The child had died a while ago, and now, in this place. His eyes were closed in front of her. Else had a hard time just looking down at her dead child. It was so painful and painful that she wanted to stop breathing right away. She bit her lip and tried to shake him off. She blinked her swollen eyes and felt the man approaching her. In this place. In this place where she was sending off her dead child... She couldn’t believe that she was being insulted by the father who had created the child together.
“Sibyl. Sibyl. Wait a minute... Ugh, huff, this won’t do.”
Else hunched her shoulders against the shadow cast over her. She had no strength to convulse or swear. Even if she screamed and writhed, she didn’t think she could get him off. Else opened her lips in a hurry to calm him down. But she couldn’t stop Sibyl. Even if she used all her strength, she couldn’t overcome his brute force.
“In front of Hermi. In front of us, our daughter. Please. Sybil... Heh.”
"You..."
Sibyl bit her lip. He lifted Else up again. She glared at him, shivering. Sibyl took three steps away from her. Else hunched her shoulders and crossed her arms. It was just dizzying. She was half-asleep, half-asleep, half-conscious.
“...Please stop. Stop it now.”
Else whispered to the man who was just glaring at her, stepping back from her. She wanted to stop now. The time she had loved. It was so distant that she wondered if such a time had ever existed. Sybil stared at the woman who was struggling to breathe and clenched her fists.
“I won’t stop. I.”
“Ugh, ugh...”
As she cried with her head down, his breath suddenly covered her. Else felt her blood run cold in the hot and dizzy sensation. She wished that she could just stop breathing. She wished that Sibyl would take her breath away.
'Then I can meet Hermi.'
Sibyl looked down at the woman in his arms. No matter how much he had, she was an empty woman. A woman he could not have, no matter what he did. How on earth did it become like this?
'I don't love you.'
The black words that this woman had shouted lingered in his mind, tormenting his nerves. His nerves were so damaged that flesh-mixed fluid flowed out, and he couldn't see anything.
'I've always regretted it since I loved you.'
It felt like blood was rushing to his head. Regret... He twisted his lips coarsely. Else cried as if she were going to die in front of her dead daughter. However, Sibyl’s mind was filled with the sharp words she had uttered, rather than the woman’s tears. He glared at the woman and parted his lips.
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