And it was natural that the servants of the Orobas family, each of whom had concubines or women, looked down on me.
It was as if I had become someone who demanded something from the Duke of Orobas in exchange for my body.
No.
I did nothing in the Duke of Orobas’ bedroom. Even when he secretly asked me to do something, I refused.
Then the Duke of Orobas made me watch him have sex with another woman in front of me. I hated that moment so terribly.
“Aren’t you coming soon?”
When I heard that voice, it seemed like memories buried under the water came back to me.
I don’t want to go.
And it seemed like my past cries also came back to me. Those were words I couldn’t bring myself to say.
I hate it too. I don’t want to go into that bedroom.
But those were words I couldn’t say because I was afraid of a worse future. Because my life that had fallen into the abyss seemed like it would fall even further.
Because I thought that even if I got better from here, how much would it get better? Because I didn’t know what happiness was.
But it wasn’t anymore.
That’s why I was able to speak in this dream-like but real situation. As if I had gone back to the past.
The words I had wanted to say at least once if I could go back to me then.
“I won’t go.”
My words spread out, creating ripples in the air of my dreams, my nightmares.
“I won’t go.”
Thump.
The moment I repeated those words, the air around me seemed to freeze. The hallway where I had been standing with the maid also became quiet as if it had been splashed with cold water. I didn’t know if this was a magical change or because my heart was beating wildly.
Soon, the maid’s face changed into a look of bewilderment.
“What?”
“I won’t go any further. I came here as a Saintess to find out if there are any demons, not to do anything else.”
I hated that time so much and it was painful. But I had nowhere else to go and was scared.
I endured it because I was forced to ‘transmit the holy power to the Duke of Orobas’ as my duty. I wondered how this act could send people to heaven.
Of course, no one could answer that question.
But now I knew.
It wasn’t my duty to stay at the Orobas House, and being next to the Duke of Orobas wouldn’t transmit my power.
Of course, spending that terrible time at night wouldn’t make a difference.
And above all, even if that night’s work was the way to open the gates of heaven, if I didn’t like it, I could find another way.
Even if everyone else was happy, it was useless if I was unhappy. If the people I loved were happy, I would be happy too, but if not, even more so.
Others would criticize this idea as selfish, but it didn’t matter.
I had to be happy. I had to move for myself before others.
Not only would they not recognize that I was moving for others, but even if they did, it would only be for a short time.
Besides, wanting to be recognized meant that I was ultimately looking for happiness there, right?
If that were the case, wouldn’t it be better to find happiness more presently?
There was no need to take a long detour.
“I won’t go to the bedroom.”
At those words, Orobas’ servants gradually gathered. The atmosphere became tense, but I passed them and walked down the hallway.
No, I tried to walk away.
Tak.
A servant roughly grabbed my shoulder. A few more hands reached out.
“How dare you touch the body of a Saintess?”
The servants’ hands stopped at those words.
I have no intention of borrowing the power of the temple, but they know that I am in league with the temple, so they have no choice but to treat me carefully.
They are probably also those who want to go to heaven.
While the people stopped at the confident voice.
Crack.
I crossed the hallway again. I had never once refused an order that wasn’t an order.
It felt like I was freeing myself from the sticky, horrible thing that had been pulling my ankles.
That feeling soon brought a sense of liberation.
“Hey, where are you going! No, where are you going!”
A panicked voice rang out from behind, but they were afraid of the temple, so they didn’t dare reach out.
Seeing them flustered at a single word made me regret the past.
They weren’t as scary as I thought.
Crack, crack.
My footsteps grew louder and the hallway became empty. In my memory, the hallway that had clearly been dark felt like it was gradually becoming brighter.
Orobas had been such a great fear to me as a child, but now it seemed like a small shadow.
Above all, the subject of that fear was dead.
Thump.
The moment I opened the door to Orobas’ mansion and came out.
Whoa!
Everything around me became distorted and my dream changed.
Was this what I was scared of?
The moment I thought that.
Thud!
The surroundings shook again. In my completely changed vision, what I saw this time were people wearing Yubar’s clothes.
And I was running.
“Gasp, gasp...!”
I endured it because I was forced to ‘transmit the holy power to the Duke of Orobas’ as my duty. I wondered how this act could send people to heaven.
Of course, no one could answer that question.
But now I knew.
It wasn’t my duty to stay at the Orobas House, and being next to the Duke of Orobas wouldn’t transmit my power.
Of course, spending that terrible time at night wouldn’t make a difference.
And above all, even if that night’s work was the way to open the gates of heaven, if I didn’t like it, I could find another way.
Even if everyone else was happy, it was useless if I was unhappy. If the people I loved were happy, I would be happy too, but if not, even more so.
Others would criticize this idea as selfish, but it didn’t matter.
I had to be happy. I had to move for myself before others.
Not only would they not recognize that I was moving for others, but even if they did, it would only be for a short time.
Besides, wanting to be recognized meant that I was ultimately looking for happiness there, right?
If that were the case, wouldn’t it be better to find happiness more presently?
There was no need to take a long detour.
“I won’t go to the bedroom.”
At those words, Orobas’ servants gradually gathered. The atmosphere became tense, but I passed them and walked down the hallway.
No, I tried to walk away.
Tak.
A servant roughly grabbed my shoulder. A few more hands reached out.
“How dare you touch the body of a Saintess?”
The servants’ hands stopped at those words.
I have no intention of borrowing the power of the temple, but they know that I am in league with the temple, so they have no choice but to treat me carefully.
They are probably also those who want to go to heaven.
While the people stopped at the confident voice.
Crack.
I crossed the hallway again. I had never once refused an order that wasn’t an order.
It felt like I was freeing myself from the sticky, horrible thing that had been pulling my ankles.
That feeling soon brought a sense of liberation.
“Hey, where are you going! No, where are you going!”
A panicked voice rang out from behind, but they were afraid of the temple, so they didn’t dare reach out.
Seeing them flustered at a single word made me regret the past.
They weren’t as scary as I thought.
Crack, crack.
My footsteps grew louder and the hallway became empty. In my memory, the hallway that had clearly been dark felt like it was gradually becoming brighter.
Orobas had been such a great fear to me as a child, but now it seemed like a small shadow.
Above all, the subject of that fear was dead.
Thump.
The moment I opened the door to Orobas’ mansion and came out.
Whoa!
Everything around me became distorted and my dream changed.
Was this what I was scared of?
The moment I thought that.
Thud!
The surroundings shook again. In my completely changed vision, what I saw this time were people wearing Yubar’s clothes.
And I was running.
“Gasp, gasp...!”
I was breathing heavily.
Ah.
There was no way I wouldn’t remember this moment.
“Help me...!”
The words I had said before came out naturally. I was running to the temple.
To ask for help.
The people in the temple that could be seen at the end of my vision seemed bewildered by the Saintess entering the temple without notice.
“W-what...?”
“Help me! They are devil worshippers!”
The past girl shouted. She pointed at the Yubars chasing her.
“They are going to sacrifice me to the altar and open the gates of hell!”
The past girl believed in the temple.
Yubar was definitely a devil worshipper, so I thought they would protect me from him.
But I didn’t know. Yubar had already paid the temple people enough money.
If Yubar had claimed to be a devil, would the temple have reacted differently?
“Get that woman!”
The temple people responded to Yubar’s words. And they ran straight toward me.
In my previous life, I had thought they were going to help me. But now I knew that wasn’t the case.
That’s why I forced myself to turn as I tried to run forward.
Thump.
The entire nightmare shook once more. Feeling it, I thought.
Instead of asking the temple for help, I should have asked Vine for help when I had rushed out like this. I should have gone to the demons.
Of course, the demons wouldn’t know me at this point.
But if I were to die, it would be better to die by Vine’s hand.
It would be better to die by.. the hand of Belled, than to be sacrificed.
If I die by his hand and am offered as a sacrifice.
If I can open the gates of hell.
That might be the best ending in my second life.
Thinking so, I turned my body that was heading to the temple and ran to another place.
The central temple and the Vine were not far enough to reach by running.
However, perhaps because this was a dream, I felt my surroundings darken in an instant.
And in the realm of the night I had arrived at, there he was.
I saw familiar faces standing behind me.
“Duke Vine! That woman is not a Saintess! That woman was the devil!”
If it was the Belled I knew, he would have laughed coldly at the Yubar people who were talking nonsense.
However, the cold gaze was fixed on me.
Yes, this was right in my second life. I ran to Belled even so.
I wish he would finish my end.
I saw people looking at me with cold eyes. Ronove, Naberus, Marbes, Decarabia, Pocalor...
The gazes on others felt as if they were tearing my body apart.
But it’s okay.
Sreung!
Belled, who was facing me, pulled out his sword from its scabbard. That sound particularly rang in my ears.
The tip of the sword was pointed at me.
But it’s okay.
I bit my lip.
“Witch.”
An icy voice came out of Belled’s mouth. Even if that voice was directed at me... it was okay.
I thought as I watched him quickly approaching.
The pain won’t last long.
And at the moment when I felt as if he was about to swing his sword and get close enough to cut me, I forced my eyes open instead of closing them and looked at Belled.
I want to see you, even if it’s just for the last time.
Ssaeak!
Soon, the sound of the sword cutting through the air tore through my ears.
However, the last thing I saw was Belled’s expression, not what I had imagined.
“...!”
The moment I opened my eyes wide, my surroundings distorted again, and my dream changed.
When I opened my eyes again, what I saw was a half-collapsed ruin.
“Ah...”
I absentmindedly looked down at my hand, which was small. A child’s hand.
“...Ah.”
I absentmindedly sobbed several times. There was no way I could forget where this place was. It was when I was a child, wandering the streets.
It was when I took shelter from the rain in a half-collapsed house.
I didn’t remember sleeping comfortably when I was young, so the half-collapsed ruin didn’t particularly stick in my memory.
The reason I remembered this place was.
“Is this it?”
“I sense a faint sacred power here.”
It was because of them.
My gaze turned straight ahead. And soon I saw those who were frowning as they pushed through the spiderwebs.
They were priests.
The priests who had taken me to the temple when I was a child, called me a Saintess.
The ones who had started all my nightmares, telling me that there would only be happiness there, were standing in front of me.
Ah.
There was no way I wouldn’t remember this moment.
“Help me...!”
The words I had said before came out naturally. I was running to the temple.
To ask for help.
The people in the temple that could be seen at the end of my vision seemed bewildered by the Saintess entering the temple without notice.
“W-what...?”
“Help me! They are devil worshippers!”
The past girl shouted. She pointed at the Yubars chasing her.
“They are going to sacrifice me to the altar and open the gates of hell!”
The past girl believed in the temple.
Yubar was definitely a devil worshipper, so I thought they would protect me from him.
But I didn’t know. Yubar had already paid the temple people enough money.
If Yubar had claimed to be a devil, would the temple have reacted differently?
“Get that woman!”
The temple people responded to Yubar’s words. And they ran straight toward me.
In my previous life, I had thought they were going to help me. But now I knew that wasn’t the case.
That’s why I forced myself to turn as I tried to run forward.
Thump.
The entire nightmare shook once more. Feeling it, I thought.
Instead of asking the temple for help, I should have asked Vine for help when I had rushed out like this. I should have gone to the demons.
Of course, the demons wouldn’t know me at this point.
But if I were to die, it would be better to die by Vine’s hand.
It would be better to die by.. the hand of Belled, than to be sacrificed.
If I die by his hand and am offered as a sacrifice.
If I can open the gates of hell.
That might be the best ending in my second life.
Thinking so, I turned my body that was heading to the temple and ran to another place.
The central temple and the Vine were not far enough to reach by running.
However, perhaps because this was a dream, I felt my surroundings darken in an instant.
And in the realm of the night I had arrived at, there he was.
I saw familiar faces standing behind me.
“Duke Vine! That woman is not a Saintess! That woman was the devil!”
If it was the Belled I knew, he would have laughed coldly at the Yubar people who were talking nonsense.
However, the cold gaze was fixed on me.
Yes, this was right in my second life. I ran to Belled even so.
I wish he would finish my end.
I saw people looking at me with cold eyes. Ronove, Naberus, Marbes, Decarabia, Pocalor...
The gazes on others felt as if they were tearing my body apart.
But it’s okay.
Sreung!
Belled, who was facing me, pulled out his sword from its scabbard. That sound particularly rang in my ears.
The tip of the sword was pointed at me.
But it’s okay.
I bit my lip.
“Witch.”
An icy voice came out of Belled’s mouth. Even if that voice was directed at me... it was okay.
I thought as I watched him quickly approaching.
The pain won’t last long.
And at the moment when I felt as if he was about to swing his sword and get close enough to cut me, I forced my eyes open instead of closing them and looked at Belled.
I want to see you, even if it’s just for the last time.
Ssaeak!
Soon, the sound of the sword cutting through the air tore through my ears.
However, the last thing I saw was Belled’s expression, not what I had imagined.
“...!”
The moment I opened my eyes wide, my surroundings distorted again, and my dream changed.
***
When I opened my eyes again, what I saw was a half-collapsed ruin.
“Ah...”
I absentmindedly looked down at my hand, which was small. A child’s hand.
“...Ah.”
I absentmindedly sobbed several times. There was no way I could forget where this place was. It was when I was a child, wandering the streets.
It was when I took shelter from the rain in a half-collapsed house.
I didn’t remember sleeping comfortably when I was young, so the half-collapsed ruin didn’t particularly stick in my memory.
The reason I remembered this place was.
“Is this it?”
“I sense a faint sacred power here.”
It was because of them.
My gaze turned straight ahead. And soon I saw those who were frowning as they pushed through the spiderwebs.
They were priests.
The priests who had taken me to the temple when I was a child, called me a Saintess.
The ones who had started all my nightmares, telling me that there would only be happiness there, were standing in front of me.
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