Karina smiled brightly. The past before her regression. Karina could not erase that time that only she remembered. She tried to forget and ignore it, but those times when she alone suffered left a big scar Inside her and influenced her endlessly.
'If you can't erase it.'
To her, who had been hurt and in pain, and suffered from resentment and sorrow due to his coldness and neglect. To her, who had become so emptied and empty as if a big hole had been drilled into her heart that she could no longer believe in the feeling called love. Even just a little bit.
'I thought it might be of some comfort.'
Her own face, with its indifferent expression, was reflected in his eyes as she met him up close. She liked that sight very much. Karina realized once again that she was by no means a saintly good person.
'I hope you suffer as much as I have.'
Anyway, her mind will probably change soon.
'So just for a little while.'
The sight of him in pain, which had previously felt so unfamiliar, suddenly felt welcome.
***
"Look carefully. There's still a lot left."
"...!"
Jeremiah felt his blood run cold at Karina's he would never turn away from her. He would never make that mistake, but his lips would not move. Her hands cupping his cheeks were so affectionate, but her eyes looking at him were not. Before he entered her memories, he had clearly made up his mind. He would face everything head-on. He would reveal everything without hiding anything, and do his best to make her heart turn to him again.
However, his heart sank when he vividly saw her being hurt by the cruel words and malicious attitudes of those around her. Every time he heard the words they thoughtlessly uttered while looking down on Karina, he felt his internal organs twist. Instead of blood, it felt like a blazing fire was flowing through his body, burning his entire body.
However, there was something else that was even more maddening. It was Karina's reaction to this situation, which was indifferent even as she watched it. When he saw her face, which seemed too tired to even react, he felt dizzy.
'How long have we been going through this horrible situation?'
It was unfathomable. It felt like dozens of sharp needles were stabbing his insides. His face twisted in pain. But he looked straight at the situation in front of him again. He had decided to know everything.
Just as she said, the nightmare-like, horrible memories continued endlessly.
***
The Emperor appeared in the palace banquet hall and began his congratulatory speech. After the congratulatory speech, the Emperor asked during the greeting.
"Yeah, is there any good news between you two?"
Jeremiah, who was kneeling on one knee before the Emperor, answered in a firm tone.
"There is none, Your Majesty. And there never will be."
"Your Highness...?"
Karina, who was standing next to him, looked at him with a shocked expression. She had no idea he would say something like that. Regardless of her circumstances, the people around her were busy muttering.
"I knew it."
"Of course. If you get caught flirting with another man, what man would put up with that?"
"If this continues, won't there be talk of divorce soon?"
"If the Marquis of Millainer's daughter is divorced and kicked out, it will be a shame for the Marquis to lose face."
The nobles snickered with wicked laughter. Karina's eyes were already filled with sadness and pain. However, the people's contempt and mocking attention flew at her again like thorns.
"If you were a man, you would be like a lewd and dirty deceiver who can't use his legs."
"She is a sly woman who covets the position of Grand Duchess on such a topic."
When the Grand Duke said in an official capacity that he had no intention of making a Grand Duchess and a successor, her situation fell even further. Jeremiah, who was watching the situation, felt shocked. At the same time, he realized that it was the opposite of what he remembered.
At the New Year's festival he had experienced, Karina had answered exactly as Jeremiah had answered now. She had even openly said that she would say the same thing in front of people before the New Year's festival. As if it was nothing special.
'That day, I will reveal to everyone that I am a woman who cannot have children.'
'If you do that in front of nobles, don't you know what your situation will be like later?'
'That is none of Your Highness's concern.'
At the time, Jeremiah didn't understand why Karina was doing that. Why did she go out of her way to make herself the topic of conversation among the noisy nobles?
'I don't want that man's child.'
Even when he unintentionally overheard her conversation with the Marquis, he thought it was just a lie to deceive the Marquis for the sake of divorce. But no. It felt like the puzzle pieces were falling into place one by one as to why Karina did that. And it was he who made her do that. He had ruthlessly pushed her away, mercilessly pushing her away, even though she wanted his love and attention.
'Please stop....'
Pain surged through him as if his blood vessels were burning and his bones were being cut by a sharp knife. Jeremiah barely managed to catch his breath.
"No matter how much I said no, you never believed me. You never took my side."
Karina spoke calmly as if she was not affected at all by their words that crossed the line.
"Do you think that kind of situation will not happen again? If I say it's not me, even though everyone else is blaming me, will people believe me?"
"Trust me! I will believe what you say unconditionally."
Jeremiah quickly replied. He had to let Karina know that he would never do that.
But.
"No. You won't believe me."
Karina's reaction was cold.
"It was all a misunderstanding. I know you didn't do anything wrong. So..."
Karina smiled weakly at his words.
"Jeremiah, I was the same back then. I never did anything to embarrass you back then."
"I know. I know you wouldn't do that. I trust you."
"But in the end, you in the past couldn't trust me."
"I was foolish back then. I misunderstood you because I only saw the situation. It was all my fault."
Karina shook her head as she watched him apologize.
"No. I was the problem. I wasn't meaningful enough for you to believe me."
Karina continued, pushing Jeremiah's chest.
"I was the daughter of the Marquis of Millainer, to begin with, so I couldn't be yours. I should have realized that sooner."
"Karina. Please. Why are you saying that?"
His eyes were wet. He bit his lower lip as if enduring pain as if holding back something. On the other hand, Karina's expression was utterly bleak. These memories were already a thing of the past to her, and she had given up and let them go. So that she wouldn't be hurt anymore. So that she wouldn't be tormented by those memories anymore. She looked at her past self through the eyes of a completely different person.
'That's stupid and foolish.'
It was exactly as people around her were saying.
'Why was I treated like that because I was so stupid and couldn't let go of the one feeling called love?'
Karina's eyes, which had been watching herself suffering with sunken eyes, had a cold light. The memory continued. The surroundings rippled, the location changed, and a neatly decorated reception room appeared. The nobles who had been gossiping disappeared. Instead, a rough and loud roar, louder than all their voices combined, erupted.
"You stupid bitch! You should have had a child first! The successor to the Grand Duke's family!!"
The angry Marquis was screaming at Karina.
"But he doesn't want to have children with me..."
Karina stammered in a trembling voice.
"Don't you know that it's up to you? It seems frustrating!"
The Marquis narrowed his eyes and clicked his tongue.
"Because you didn't do it properly, the Grand Duke thought you were really funny and said such things at the banquet hall! That arrogant bastard!"
Karina was feeling very intimidated and was taking all the brunt of the Marquis's anger.
"Oh my! You can't even hit that person since you're the Grand Duchess...!"
Karina's body trembled in fear as the Marquis clenched and unclenched his fists and grunted.
"I'm sorry, Father. I'll do better."
"Yes, this is your last chance."
The Marquis, whose temper had calmed down, took out a small vial from his sleeve.
"This is a medicine that helps you conceive a child. Mix this secretly into the Grand Duke's tea and feed it to him. Do you think you can do that much?"
The Marquis whispered in a low voice.
"Don't you want a child too? Even if he says he doesn't want one now, he'll say it's cute once he has one. And once he does, what can he do with the child that's already been born?"
"But..."
Karina didn't want to take medicine. And she didn't want him to ignore and treat her child like he did to her, saying that he didn't want the child. She wanted to resolve the misunderstanding, get along with him a little better, and then have the child when they both wanted the child. She wanted the child to be born in an environment where he could receive all the love of his parents and grow up happily without any hardships.
"Yes, take it quickly!"
Despite the Marquis' urging, Karina hesitated and could not answer. Then the Marquis glared at Karina with a gaze similar to that of an insect.
"I did this for you and you still say you can't do it?"
A murderous glint flashed in the Marquis' eyes.
"Are you trying to disappoint me again?"
"Oh, no. Thank you."
Karina's wish was worthless in front of the Marquis. She eventually accepted the medicine under duress.
***
The location changed again. Karina and Jeremiah were sitting across from each other at the office table.
"Why did you want to meet me?"
"It won't take long, so just have a cup of tea with me."
Karina placed the tea she had prepared in front of him.
"This is a new tea that just came in. My father sent it to me because he said it was really good."
She tried to act as if nothing had happened, as usual, but she couldn't stop her hands from shaking slightly. She kept thinking about it but eventually decided to follow her father's words. Jeremiah stared at the tea in front of him with an extremely expressionless face. Then he raised his gaze and looked at her.
"You want me to drink this?"
Karina realized as she looked into his darkened eyes that he had noticed that she had put a drug in his tea to help him conceive.
"Please. Can you do what I want just this once?"
Karina opened her trembling lips and spoke earnestly, but Jeremiah's response was colder than ever.
"Why don't you just tell me to die?"
“...?!”
Karina was shocked and speechless by the words that he would rather die than have children with her.
"I don't even want to see you, so get out now."
But Karina was frozen in place and couldn't move.
"If you don't go out, I will go out."
Jeremiah left the office with an angry face.
Bam! The sound of the door slamming shot struck her ears like a thunderbolt.
"Ugh."
Karina let out a breath she had been holding in without realizing it. She tried to suppress the burning pain and the ache rising from her throat. She already knew that he didn't want children. It was obvious that he wouldn't welcome it.
Her face darkened. Sadness and resentment swallowed her up without fail.
"Then why did you accept the marriage in the first place..."
She was left in the office muttering alone as if she were complaining. Her empty mutterings painfully dug into Jeremiah's heart.
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