"...I'm scared too."
The soft warmth that had been vividly felt at his fingertips seemed to still be there.
The slight trembling as if his nerves or muscles were malfunctioning and spasming, did not subside easily.
Kaian let out a short sigh.
“I’ve come to know useless emotions at a time like this.”
He originally did not know the fear that others felt.
He was so superior to the crowd that it seemed as if he had monopolized the special love of God because he was born superior, so all he had to do was shine among the bland people. An ordinary person would never be his opponent.
Thanks to that, he walked out alive as if he had escaped the threat from the middle of a battlefield.
However, the one who first taught him the emotion of ‘fear’ was Claudel.
He had never felt it before, not even when his parents suddenly passed away.
Just thinking about that moment when Claudel stood on the flagpole of the bow with tears in her eyes made his blood run cold.
Tears that he couldn’t wipe away even if he reached out. The fact that he was lied to when he told her his true feelings belatedly was such a terrible memory.
He didn’t want to admit that Claudel had taken her life, but the fact that she had made that choice because of him was so scary.
That he had become such a terrible and cruel character. That he had driven the woman he had given his heart to, the person he believed he had been sharing his most secret and comfortable dreams with every day, to such a level.
Maybe he was just terrifying to others.
Rolling through the mud of emotions like that, he learned things he didn’t need to know.
He was afraid that she would find out that he was dead, and that she would hate him so much that she would grow cold without leaving a single grain of affection.
Thinking about what was about to happen with Valquiterre, he couldn’t do this.
However, Kaian knew that he was weaker than ever.
He had thought that he would become stronger when he had something to protect and a clear opponent to fight against.
He was as fragile as a reed that would crumble as soon as he pressed it.
Fortunately, the companion who would share Kaian's burden was very strong.
"You must be having a hard time too."
Claudel remembered most of what he told her right away.
When asked if she remembered it as a test, she answered it straight away.
There was a time when he was happy that she had a smart wife during the day and a pretty wife at night.
These were days when he confirmed the sense of accomplishment he felt back then.
Her health recovered smoothly, and the child who was pulled out early from the mother's womb without much strength was healthy.
According to Madame Repel, it was definitely a small and light birth.
But Julien had such a good appetite and was so strong that he was much bigger than the other children, to the point that it was obvious that he hadn't even reached the age of 18 months. He was definitely a descendant of the strong-boned Temnes.
While Claudel and Julien were doing their part, Kaian seemed to be floating aimlessly.
This was not the time.
There was no time to waste like this.
And yet, in the time that was not enough to sharpen the sword in his heart, his literary sensibility suddenly deepened.
His mother, who grew up elegantly in the royal palace, wanted Kaian to be absorbed in art and literature. He was able to meet his mother’s standards when it came to seeing and enjoying art thanks to the dignified family and the historical environment of Rowen Castle.
However, he was not able to do so when it came to literary talent.
Temnes was a family of warriors for generations, and although he was good at physical work, he was also far from writing.
Now, Kaian was struck by the words his poetry teacher had nagged him about.
Sensitivity is not something that can be achieved by memorizing poetry, but by opening one’s heart and feeling it.
The image of Claudel and the baby before his eyes was engraved on his retina like an impressive and beautiful masterpiece.
He could personally experience the idiom, “It doesn’t hurt to put it in your eyes.”
After realizing that he could allow anything, even if it was so difficult, some words conveyed extreme sympathy and were passed on again, becoming widely used. After realizing this, Kaian also became part of those common words. The peacefulness of the place, which had fallen into a warm sleep in the dim light, seemed to wash away his worries.
If he had to leave something to remember this moment, even he, who was not good at writing, could write a poem.
Of course, the feelings he felt and the reality were different, so he had a hard time choosing a name for his child with only a few letters.
Kaian stared at Claudel and Julien for a long time as if looking into his own treasure chest.
***
Autumn in Valmonde was a day when the whole world was covered in a white wrap after darkness passed.
The land, which still had some color here and there before the frozen ground fully showed its name, was covered with glittering ice particles that looked like crushed crystals, which were the essence of Valmonde.
However, in this good time when they were busy stepping on the ground for the last time before the heavy snowfall in midwinter, the atmosphere of Valmonde Castle was like thin ice. The huge castle, which had been more lively and energetic because of the cold northern weather, had never been so quiet as it was these days.
The reason was the feud of the Duke and Duchess of Vermont.
They were a well-known lovebird couple.
The speculation that the Duchess had received a great price for registering Claudel as her own child was only a social gossip, and it was well known in Valmonde that a noble lady had taken care of Claudel as if she were her own child.
Furthermore, they had been so respectful and loyal to each other that their positions were not shaken even after giving birth to only one daughter.
There was a shocking reason why the couple, who had been living happily for decades, suddenly had a falling out.
It was because the second son, who had died and been buried long ago, had returned alive after eleven years.
The busiest one was the gatekeeper guarding the castle gate.
“Evan is old too. I didn’t recognize him at first sight.”
“But why did you let him pass through?”
“He barged in and told me to get out of the way, but how could you do that when you see a pure-blooded Vermont?”
To borrow the words of the man who was hunching his shoulders and making a fuss, he had unknowingly given way after seeing Evan's fluttering red hair and his piercing golden eyes.
“You held a funeral, didn’t you?”
“Yes. We placed the sarcophagus in the catacombs ourselves.”
“Why would the Duke do something like that?”
Even if there were only two people gathered, it was a mess because they would gossip about it.
Some too many people had seen Evan go straight to the Duke of Vermont’s office through the main gate in broad daylight to keep it a secret.
And today, too, a fight between the couple was raging in the Duke of Vermont’s office.
The Duchess of Vermont had a haggard face.
The woman who was always relaxed and cheerful suddenly looked like she had aged a lot, even her complexion darkening.
“So you’re saying you won’t give me a divorce?”
“That’s ridiculous.”
The Duke of Vermont scolded her.
“Where would you go at that age? And it’s absolutely impossible until Irena properly remarries.”
“Don’t you think that you’re the one blocking Irena’s path?”
The Duchess charged as if she had made up her mind.
“You didn’t send Irena to her husband’s funeral, so this is what happened. There was a fight at the National Ball. Don’t you feel bad for the Duke of Temnes, who got stabbed because of you?”
“Huh. What do I have to feel bad for Temnes? He did a good thing.”
“Ha.”
The Duchess of Vermont sighed and put her hand to her temple.
“My dear. How could you do that?”
And then began the nagging that she had been spewing at him every day since Evan’s return.
The only flaw of his virtuous and wise wife was that she would bring up the same issue endlessly whenever a moral issue arose.
“Why did you make Claudel an orphan when Evan was alive? There was no need to do that.”
The Duke of Vermont, now hearing the story that he had heard so many times, thought about something else.
‘It would be a mess if Evan found out that Claudel's mother was alive.’
But today was different from what he had heard so far.
“I’m leaving for the capital.”
“What?”
“You can’t give me a divorce. Yes. I’ll stay in the capital with her until Irena’s marriage is decided.”
“I can’t allow it.”
She glared at the Duke of Vermont with a cold face.
“What if you don’t allow it? You’re such a horrible person. It would be better for you to go to a monastery and pray for Claudel’s dead mother.”
“...”
The woman didn’t die.
The Duke of Vermont was speechless at the sight of his angry wife.
The mistress of the Castle de Valmonde had many big and small things to take care of. It would be very difficult without a wife to lead the affairs of the castle during the coming winter. Since he couldn’t just send the mistress of the castle away like this, the Duke of Vermont tried to appease her again.
“Is this something to be so angry about?”
“I don’t trust you.”
“Nothing will change.”
“Why not?”
The Duchess turned serious.
“When I think of the hardships Claudel has endured without even knowing that her father is alive.”
Tears welled up in her eyes.
“I can’t send a telegram to Rowen, so I’ll go to the capital and find a way to let her know.”
“Absolutely not. We’ll soon be at war with Temnes.”
“Please stay healthy. If you have anything to say, send it by telegram. I’ll leave today.”
The Duchess stubbornly said what she wanted to say and disappeared.
The Duke of Vermont was shocked beyond belief when his obedient wife acted like this.
Furthermore, the timing was even worse.
“It’s going to snow soon.”
After the Duchess left today, the first snowfall would soon fall, and it would only be a matter of time before the roads around the castle of Valmonde would be blocked by snow. Even if he could change the mind of his wife who had left for the capital, there would be no way to bring her back until spring.
The Duke of Vermont sighed deeply.
“What on earth did I do wrong?”
But he knew exactly what he had done wrong.
“...It was wrong to find out that Evan was alive.”
“...”
The woman didn’t die.
The Duke of Vermont was speechless at the sight of his angry wife.
The mistress of the Castle de Valmonde had many big and small things to take care of. It would be very difficult without a wife to lead the affairs of the castle during the coming winter. Since he couldn’t just send the mistress of the castle away like this, the Duke of Vermont tried to appease her again.
“Is this something to be so angry about?”
“I don’t trust you.”
“Nothing will change.”
“Why not?”
The Duchess turned serious.
“When I think of the hardships Claudel has endured without even knowing that her father is alive.”
Tears welled up in her eyes.
“I can’t send a telegram to Rowen, so I’ll go to the capital and find a way to let her know.”
“Absolutely not. We’ll soon be at war with Temnes.”
“Please stay healthy. If you have anything to say, send it by telegram. I’ll leave today.”
The Duchess stubbornly said what she wanted to say and disappeared.
The Duke of Vermont was shocked beyond belief when his obedient wife acted like this.
Furthermore, the timing was even worse.
“It’s going to snow soon.”
After the Duchess left today, the first snowfall would soon fall, and it would only be a matter of time before the roads around the castle of Valmonde would be blocked by snow. Even if he could change the mind of his wife who had left for the capital, there would be no way to bring her back until spring.
The Duke of Vermont sighed deeply.
“What on earth did I do wrong?”
But he knew exactly what he had done wrong.
“...It was wrong to find out that Evan was alive.”
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