Kyle had never felt feelings for the opposite sex. As a child, he had never had the opportunity to meet a girl of the opposite sex due to illness, and until recently, none of the girls who had come to visit him had even a single spark of emotion.
At first, there was no curtain between him and the girls. But after the girls admired his appearance and showed excessive curiosity, a curtain was drawn between the bed and the sofa. But even then it was not as opaque as it is now. The visitor's face could be seen roughly from the bed where he was sitting, although only a vague outline could be seen from the other side.
There was no denying that they were all beautiful and attractive. He had an eye for discerning beauty. But to him, the girl’s beauty was no different from the bees buzzing against the flower petals on the windowsill outside, the birds pecking at tree stumps with their beaks, or the frogs croaking in the stream near the forest in summer.
He just wanted to die. The days when he had a headache so severe that he wanted to die by splitting his head open, and the neuralgia that made his bones ache were the best. When he had a series of seizures that he couldn't even remember, he just wanted to bite his tongue and die.
Why did I have to be born? I resented God. Was I born into this world to live in such pain? If living is not living, then what is better than death?
So when the seventh Remedy came in, he had no expectations. He thought she would show too much affection like the other girls and make him feel awkward, or she would be so scared that she wouldn't even dare to go. That's why he ordered Mrs. Dunst to change the curtains to opaque ones from now on.
But Angela Ridsdel, the girl named Angie, was different. Her voice was thin and high-pitched, but very pleasant and clear. Beneath the silky, velvety tone, there was something indescribably unique and beautiful.
When she was adapting a story or reading a book, he found himself closing his eyes to her sweet and mysterious voice. Even when she was speaking softly and lowly as if whispering, her voice was clearly embedded in his ears.
It was the first time. He thought he wanted to look straight at the girl's face. When they were separated by the curtain, they couldn't see each other's faces properly. So, he cleverly adjusted the angle of the window and mirror on his side so that he could see her face well.
As a result, from the next visit onwards, he was able to sneak a peek at Angie Ridsdel's face. As a result, the joy and admiration were fleeting, while the regret and despair deepened.
The girl was more beautiful than he could imagine. Her emerald eyes sparkled all the time, and her golden hair was as radiant as the morning sunlight. Her face, with its elegant lines, was extremely white and transparent. Kyle lost himself in the charm itself, to the point where he mistook her for an elaborately sculpted wax doll, and stared into the mirror several times.
But if she had only been as beautiful as a painting, it would have ended with just admiration and praise. There would have been no need to regret adjusting the mirror in vain, nor to despair at the reality that one could not reach out and touch the face.
If she had just been a beauty, he wouldn't have been so tormented by the desire to be closer to the girl. If he had, he wouldn't have been so deeply fascinated by her as a person, his whole body wouldn't have been hot, his heart wouldn't have been pounding, and the heat wouldn't have spread to his lower body. Sometimes his heart would pound so hard that he would have difficulty breathing.
If only he could pull that child closer and see her in front of him. If only he could hear that meltingly sweet voice from a closer distance, and feel those cheeks and lips that looked as soft as the finest silk. And under that neck that was as slender and smooth as a swan's, and down to that curved chest through the lace...
His earlobes flared up. At the same time, a tingling, dull pain arose between his legs. The sharp pain soon turned into a burning sensation. Kyle looked away from the mirror and quietly stared at the curtain that had only a vague outline.
Angie was completely unaware of anything and was concentrating solely on reading aloud from a book of ancient myths. As she was turning the pages to turn to the next chapter, Kyle spoke.
"Stop."
Contrary to his feelings, his voice came out blunt and cold. However, Angie seemed not to care about the cold tone and asked gently as she put down the book.
“Then should I read something else? Well, the things I brought today...”
“Don’t read it from a book. Tell me the story you remember.”
He didn't like her having her eyes fixed on the book. He wanted her to look at him. Even though she would be looking at a blurry silhouette behind the curtain, at least she would be focusing on him and not the words on the paper.
“Um... I read a new story at the library yesterday. Master, do you know the story of the ‘Cumaean Sibyl’?”
"No."
“It is a story about one of the prophetess priestesses called Sibyl or Sibylla in Greece. It is an anecdote from the ‘Metamorphoses’ by the ancient Roman poet Ovid...”
The green curtains in front of the slightly open window fluttered in the gentle breeze. Angie placed one hand on the armrest and leaned forward to gaze at his outline beyond the curtain.
“It is said that the God Apollo fell in love with the beautiful priestess Sibyl. Then one day, he told her to ask for anything and he would grant her a wish. Sibyl grabbed a handful of sand and asked to have as many birthdays as there were grains of sand. Sibyl answered that her wish was to live forever. Apollo granted her wish and gave her a thousand years of life. However, because of that, Sibyl lived a miserable life where she could not die for over a thousand years and gradually faded away.”
“That’s right. If you could just grow old without dying for a thousand years, that would be a curse, not a blessing.”
“That’s right! So Sibyl, trapped in a glass bottle and a laughingstock of people, laments her foolishness. She should have asked for eternal youth instead of immortality...”
Angie picked up her teacup and took a sip.
“I read that story and had many thoughts. Everyone wants to live long, but is eternal life really a good thing? In books, you see vampires and other beings always wishing to become human and live a finite life.”
Click, the sound of the glass landing on its saucer rang out cheerfully.
“I wondered what I would do if the God Apollo came to me and offered me eternal youth and immortality. At first, I thought I would be happy and accept it. Of course, I don’t want to die. It’s sad to be separated from my loved ones and family, and no matter how long I live, I still have a strong attachment to life.”
"However...?"
“But in the end, I don’t think I’ll accept it.”
Angie continued cheerfully.
“Because all things are finite, they are beautiful and meaningful. Nature is not eternal either. It wears out and changes over time, and no matter how beautifully a flower blooms, when its life ends, it falls, and a new flower blooms in its place... I think that is providence.”
“Immortal life is meaningless after all - is that what it means?”
“Yes. Of course, some desire eternal life and try to chase it. Oh, I’m out of tea. I’ll go downstairs and boil some more.”
Angie stood up, holding up her empty teapot. Kyle nodded through the curtain. At another time, he would have pulled the rope and ordered the maid to come over, but he didn't. He stared blankly at Angie's silhouette as the door closed.
Something inside his chest stirred and moved. He felt like he was going to cry. Hearing what he thought and believed from someone else, and from her mouth at that, was an indescribable feeling. Somewhere between the regretful and sad emotions and the excitement, his heart seemed to stop.
Angie. You are truly... special. You are like me. It was like our hearts, once one, had been torn in half and then put back together again.
He took a deep breath, wiping his wet eyes until she returned with the teapot. But the heat, as always, did not subside easily. He simply suppressed and suppressed the desire to touch her, kiss her, hold her, and even more.
So when Angie's time came to leave the mansion, his heart ached with regret, but he also felt relief, because he could finally escape this oppressive heat and lust.
Sometimes Kyle couldn't shake off his obsession and hid behind the curtains of the window, watching her until she got into the carriage. He couldn't bear it otherwise. He thought he was going crazy.
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