“If you have anything you want to say to me, feel free to say it. I will listen to it all.”
“...”
I opened my heart and asked to talk, but all I got in return was silence.
“You can tell me anything. Like what you don’t like, or if there’s something about me that upset you.”
“...That’s disappointing.”
Perdes, who had been mumbling the word “sad” as if he were chewing the cud, nodded.
“Yeah, I guess it was disappointing.”
"What?"
“Young Lady is going to the academy.”
Ah, now I can finally have a proper conversation!
“Are you that upset about me going to the academy?”
When I asked with a smile, Perdes frowned.
“Why are you so happy that I’m upset?”
“That’s not what makes me happy. I’m happy that Mr. Perdes spoke properly.”
“...Are you happy about this?”
“Of course! I wish Mr. Perdes would be honest about your feelings!”
As I nodded vigorously and spoke, Perdes thought for a moment and then opened his mouth again.
“...I was confused. I didn’t know why I was doing this, what this feeling was, why I didn’t want Young Lady to go to the academy... I was confused.”
So he was locked in his bedroom.
He said he avoided seeing my face because he was afraid I would say strange things to him.
It's the same reason he avoids other people.
Still confused and unsure of what to say, Perdes poured out his feelings in a rambling manner.
It was clear from his words and expressions how confused he had been during that time.
“I made a mistake.”
When his story finally came to a close, I held his hand tightly.
“I wasn’t trying to hide it. No, I was trying to hide it for the time being. The fewer people who know the secret, the better.”
Especially when I was submitting my application for admission to the academy, I had to be extra careful because I didn't know who the Emperor's guard was.
“I should tell Lord Perdes, I thought about it many times, but strangely, the words wouldn’t come out.”
“...Why? Because I’m not pretty enough?”
“I told you, that’s not it.”
Well, why didn't I tell Perdes sooner?
It was too late to say it was simply because the timing was wrong.
I should have told you sooner.
"Sorry."
“Just talk.”
“I am truly sorry.”
“It’s just talk.”
“Hey, seriously. How can I get you to believe me?”
“...”
See, you're just nitpicking and rambling when there's no way out.
“I told you before. The only one who knows the story of revenge is Lord Perdes. I said it because I trust Lord Perdes.”
Nod-
“I’m telling you this because I believe it too.”
I didn't plan on saying something like this since I was going to send it anyway.
When I saw him looking upset, I felt like I had to tell him something.
No, even if that's not the case, I can believe it.
I slowly opened my mouth as the feeling of faith that had been completely shattered in my third life came back to me.
“The revenge I seek... is not simply killing the Emperor.”
A miserable death at the hands of Chernosser and a second life starting over.
At that time, I hated the Emperor so much and wanted to kill him.
I thought I could throw away my damn life if I could, but when I actually tried to do it, I was too scared.
I didn't want to die.
I never wanted to go through that horrible experience again.
So I focused on surviving.
I married Sir Aldor and tried desperately to survive by avoiding the Emperor's eyes.
But... he died.
The third time, the Emperor killed me miserably again.
As I closed my eyes, I thought.
If I were given another chance, I would definitely take revenge on the Emperor.
The desire for revenge that grew with each passing life was not resolved by simply taking the emperor's life.
So I decided.
“To take away the Emperor’s life and everything he has.”
“You’re saying you’re going to... steal it?”
"Yes."
I looked straight into those trembling golden eyes and spat out what I had said.
“The revenge I seek is to completely erase the Eleftherian Empire from the map of the continent.”
“...!”
Perdes' eyes grew wider than they could ever be.
As expected, it's surprising.
Well, it's natural to be surprised since I said something that was no different from treason.
If someone heard me say that, they would point their fingers at me and say I was crazy or reckless, but I was sincere.
I really intended to destroy the Eleftherian Empire and take away everything the Emperor had.
That was the true revenge I wanted.
“...”
After I finished speaking, a heavy silence fell between us.
Perdes stared blankly at me, then at space, then at the ground, and then at me again, as if he couldn't believe what I was saying.
“So... you’re going to the Union Knight Academy instead of the Imperial Knight Academy?”
His trembling lips parted and he let out even more trembling words.
“To borrow the power of the Allies to bring down the Empire?”
“I do intend to borrow the power of the Allied Forces, but it is separate from my going to the Allied Knight Academy.”
“Separate?”
“Yes. I also want to go to the Imperial Knight Academy if possible.”
Basic subjects and such were similar no matter where you went on the continent, but social etiquette and dancing were slightly different in each country.
It would take time to adjust, so I wanted to go somewhere familiar, but I had no other choice.
“The Emperor will never allow me to enter the Imperial Knight Academy.”
"Why?"
“Well, if I become a knight, I will be qualified to succeed to the throne of Duke Leopold.”
“You are still qualified.”
A bitter smile spread across my lips at the words that seemed so obvious.
“You’re the only one who thinks that way, Perdes.”
“The people think so too.”
“Let me correct that. It’s just the people of the Duchy and Perdes.”
“The knights think so too.”
Even the knights? This is the first time I've heard of this.
It came out of nowhere.
But I didn't think Perdes was lying.
Probably, that's true.
“Yes. People around me think I could become a Duke, but the Emperor doesn’t want that.”
“Why? Because Young Lady is a girl?”
“That’s the superficial reason.”
I don't know what the dark secret is, but the reason the Emperor was against it was because I was a woman and I didn't have a knighthood.
“The same goes for the Noble Council. So I definitely want to obtain the title of knight. That way I can inherit the dukedom.”
"...I don't get it."
The space between Perdes' eyebrows narrowed.
“If your goal is to destroy the empire, there’s no need to become its agent.”
“I don’t want to be a Duke of the empire. I want to be the master of this land.”
Duchy of Leopold.
The place where I was born and raised, and where I have precious memories with my parents.
A precious land where people who love me, believe in me and follow me live and make a living.
I had no intention of handing this place over to the hands of the Emperor or anyone else.
“...”
I opened my heart and asked to talk, but all I got in return was silence.
“You can tell me anything. Like what you don’t like, or if there’s something about me that upset you.”
“...That’s disappointing.”
Perdes, who had been mumbling the word “sad” as if he were chewing the cud, nodded.
“Yeah, I guess it was disappointing.”
"What?"
“Young Lady is going to the academy.”
Ah, now I can finally have a proper conversation!
“Are you that upset about me going to the academy?”
When I asked with a smile, Perdes frowned.
“Why are you so happy that I’m upset?”
“That’s not what makes me happy. I’m happy that Mr. Perdes spoke properly.”
“...Are you happy about this?”
“Of course! I wish Mr. Perdes would be honest about your feelings!”
As I nodded vigorously and spoke, Perdes thought for a moment and then opened his mouth again.
“...I was confused. I didn’t know why I was doing this, what this feeling was, why I didn’t want Young Lady to go to the academy... I was confused.”
So he was locked in his bedroom.
He said he avoided seeing my face because he was afraid I would say strange things to him.
It's the same reason he avoids other people.
Still confused and unsure of what to say, Perdes poured out his feelings in a rambling manner.
It was clear from his words and expressions how confused he had been during that time.
“I made a mistake.”
When his story finally came to a close, I held his hand tightly.
“I wasn’t trying to hide it. No, I was trying to hide it for the time being. The fewer people who know the secret, the better.”
Especially when I was submitting my application for admission to the academy, I had to be extra careful because I didn't know who the Emperor's guard was.
“I should tell Lord Perdes, I thought about it many times, but strangely, the words wouldn’t come out.”
“...Why? Because I’m not pretty enough?”
“I told you, that’s not it.”
Well, why didn't I tell Perdes sooner?
It was too late to say it was simply because the timing was wrong.
I should have told you sooner.
"Sorry."
“Just talk.”
“I am truly sorry.”
“It’s just talk.”
“Hey, seriously. How can I get you to believe me?”
“...”
See, you're just nitpicking and rambling when there's no way out.
“I told you before. The only one who knows the story of revenge is Lord Perdes. I said it because I trust Lord Perdes.”
Nod-
“I’m telling you this because I believe it too.”
I didn't plan on saying something like this since I was going to send it anyway.
When I saw him looking upset, I felt like I had to tell him something.
No, even if that's not the case, I can believe it.
I slowly opened my mouth as the feeling of faith that had been completely shattered in my third life came back to me.
“The revenge I seek... is not simply killing the Emperor.”
A miserable death at the hands of Chernosser and a second life starting over.
At that time, I hated the Emperor so much and wanted to kill him.
I thought I could throw away my damn life if I could, but when I actually tried to do it, I was too scared.
I didn't want to die.
I never wanted to go through that horrible experience again.
So I focused on surviving.
I married Sir Aldor and tried desperately to survive by avoiding the Emperor's eyes.
But... he died.
The third time, the Emperor killed me miserably again.
As I closed my eyes, I thought.
If I were given another chance, I would definitely take revenge on the Emperor.
The desire for revenge that grew with each passing life was not resolved by simply taking the emperor's life.
So I decided.
“To take away the Emperor’s life and everything he has.”
“You’re saying you’re going to... steal it?”
"Yes."
I looked straight into those trembling golden eyes and spat out what I had said.
“The revenge I seek is to completely erase the Eleftherian Empire from the map of the continent.”
“...!”
Perdes' eyes grew wider than they could ever be.
As expected, it's surprising.
Well, it's natural to be surprised since I said something that was no different from treason.
If someone heard me say that, they would point their fingers at me and say I was crazy or reckless, but I was sincere.
I really intended to destroy the Eleftherian Empire and take away everything the Emperor had.
That was the true revenge I wanted.
“...”
After I finished speaking, a heavy silence fell between us.
Perdes stared blankly at me, then at space, then at the ground, and then at me again, as if he couldn't believe what I was saying.
“So... you’re going to the Union Knight Academy instead of the Imperial Knight Academy?”
His trembling lips parted and he let out even more trembling words.
“To borrow the power of the Allies to bring down the Empire?”
“I do intend to borrow the power of the Allied Forces, but it is separate from my going to the Allied Knight Academy.”
“Separate?”
“Yes. I also want to go to the Imperial Knight Academy if possible.”
Basic subjects and such were similar no matter where you went on the continent, but social etiquette and dancing were slightly different in each country.
It would take time to adjust, so I wanted to go somewhere familiar, but I had no other choice.
“The Emperor will never allow me to enter the Imperial Knight Academy.”
"Why?"
“Well, if I become a knight, I will be qualified to succeed to the throne of Duke Leopold.”
“You are still qualified.”
A bitter smile spread across my lips at the words that seemed so obvious.
“You’re the only one who thinks that way, Perdes.”
“The people think so too.”
“Let me correct that. It’s just the people of the Duchy and Perdes.”
“The knights think so too.”
Even the knights? This is the first time I've heard of this.
It came out of nowhere.
But I didn't think Perdes was lying.
Probably, that's true.
“Yes. People around me think I could become a Duke, but the Emperor doesn’t want that.”
“Why? Because Young Lady is a girl?”
“That’s the superficial reason.”
I don't know what the dark secret is, but the reason the Emperor was against it was because I was a woman and I didn't have a knighthood.
“The same goes for the Noble Council. So I definitely want to obtain the title of knight. That way I can inherit the dukedom.”
"...I don't get it."
The space between Perdes' eyebrows narrowed.
“If your goal is to destroy the empire, there’s no need to become its agent.”
“I don’t want to be a Duke of the empire. I want to be the master of this land.”
Duchy of Leopold.
The place where I was born and raised, and where I have precious memories with my parents.
A precious land where people who love me, believe in me and follow me live and make a living.
I had no intention of handing this place over to the hands of the Emperor or anyone else.
Never.
Whew.
The sound of the wind knocking against the window was eerie. It was like a ghost passing by.
But Perdes had no time to pay attention to that sound.
He just stared blankly at Adele with unfocused eyes at the shocking story he had never thought of.
It was already known that Adele wanted revenge on the Emperor.
But he thought simply.
Just giving the Emperor a little trouble, or going a bit further and taking his life.
That's a big deal, but he never dreamed that she would have such a ridiculous ambition to bring down the empire.
If he had known that from the beginning, he would never have held her hand.
'Then what about now?'
Suddenly, the self in his heart asked him a question.
'Are you going to keep holding her hand now?'
It was like the devil's whisper.
'It's not too late.'
It was like a swamp that you could never get out of once you fell into it.
'It's not too late.'
Is it not too late...?
'If you want to let go, then let go. Let go of her hand and run away.'
“Do you want to run away?”
Perdes' eyes came into focus at the voice that suddenly came in.
He could see the fresh green eyes that held him.
Unlike Perdes, who was tossed and turned as if he had encountered a rough storm, she was looking at him without wavering like an old tree with deep roots.
“Now that you’ve heard my true heart, do you want to let go of my hand and run away?”
Does he want to run away?
Of course...
"...No."
Perdes wonders if she doesn't trust him.
So he started to suspect that maybe she was just keeping secrets.
But that wasn't it.
It had to be that way.
There's no way she could easily bring up such an incredible story.
But the fact that she said it, that she confessed everything, means that she believes in him to that extent.
“I won’t run away.”
But how can he escape?
There was absolutely no escape.
No, he didn't want to run away.
She is the one who saved him from that hellish palace, so he must repay the favor.
'Favor.'
Is this really a decision to repay a favor?
He doesn't know.
***
Whew.
The sound of the wind knocking against the window was eerie. It was like a ghost passing by.
But Perdes had no time to pay attention to that sound.
He just stared blankly at Adele with unfocused eyes at the shocking story he had never thought of.
It was already known that Adele wanted revenge on the Emperor.
But he thought simply.
Just giving the Emperor a little trouble, or going a bit further and taking his life.
That's a big deal, but he never dreamed that she would have such a ridiculous ambition to bring down the empire.
If he had known that from the beginning, he would never have held her hand.
'Then what about now?'
Suddenly, the self in his heart asked him a question.
'Are you going to keep holding her hand now?'
It was like the devil's whisper.
'It's not too late.'
It was like a swamp that you could never get out of once you fell into it.
'It's not too late.'
Is it not too late...?
'If you want to let go, then let go. Let go of her hand and run away.'
“Do you want to run away?”
Perdes' eyes came into focus at the voice that suddenly came in.
He could see the fresh green eyes that held him.
Unlike Perdes, who was tossed and turned as if he had encountered a rough storm, she was looking at him without wavering like an old tree with deep roots.
“Now that you’ve heard my true heart, do you want to let go of my hand and run away?”
Does he want to run away?
Of course...
"...No."
Perdes wonders if she doesn't trust him.
So he started to suspect that maybe she was just keeping secrets.
But that wasn't it.
It had to be that way.
There's no way she could easily bring up such an incredible story.
But the fact that she said it, that she confessed everything, means that she believes in him to that extent.
“I won’t run away.”
But how can he escape?
There was absolutely no escape.
No, he didn't want to run away.
She is the one who saved him from that hellish palace, so he must repay the favor.
'Favor.'
Is this really a decision to repay a favor?
He doesn't know.
He couldn't tell which one it was, but what he was sure of was that he was ashamed of every moment he doubted her.
He felt sorry for himself for thinking so badly.
So from now on...
“I will believe you.”
Perdes tightened his grip on Adele's hand.
“I will believe whatever Young Lady says from now on.”
And he pressed his dry lips against the back of her pure white hand.
He felt sorry for himself for thinking so badly.
So from now on...
“I will believe you.”
Perdes tightened his grip on Adele's hand.
“I will believe whatever Young Lady says from now on.”
And he pressed his dry lips against the back of her pure white hand.
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