TCORIYH - Chapter 45

Judith half-opened the closed window and looked outside for a moment. As the doctor seemed to be no longer nearby, she turned to face the King, standing near the window where she could look out.

King Jedercayer looked towards Judith with sunken eyes and then turned his head as if the sunlight was dazzling. Thus, a strange composition was formed in which Judith looked at him and the King turned away from her. The profile of his face turned at an angle, seemed very similar to that of Franz, who was lost in despair.

“Your Majesty, please listen carefully to what I say from now on. And... You have to trust me.”

The voice is clearly tense. Judith swallowed her dry saliva slowly.

It reminded her of when Ilshe was young. The father King, who had been fooled by her brother's lies, did not believe what Judith cried. She felt sad that she had no one to complain to after being unfairly scolded.

Would the King really believe it if she told him that Queen Gilsis had deliberately kept him asleep? 

In some cases, it was a serious matter that could lead to charges of attempting to assassinate the King. How much does the King, who has been sick and unconscious for a long time, know about the Queen's vicious side?

“Tell me.”

Said the King. It seemed like it was still difficult for him to speak loudly, but his breathing was mixed in with a rough sound between the cracked sounds. Judith lowered her gaze for a moment and then slowly listened again. There was a hint of determination in her blue eyes that no longer wavered.

“The reason Your Majesty was unconscious the whole time was not because of illness.”

“..."

“What you took was not medicine. It is a decoction of a herb called ‘Fifnor’s Hand’, and even a very small amount can cause consciousness to be severed.”

The King had no answer. But he didn't even look surprised. Is it because he doesn’t believe it? Does he think it can't be like that?

Judith's fingertips slowly twitched. She did what she said.

“And the person who gave it to Your Majesty by the doctors...”

“Did you say your name was Judith?”

When the King suddenly opened his mouth, Judith's eyebrows twitched and moved. But she soon stood up, spread the hem of her skirt calmly, and slightly bent her knees.

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Look at the drawer behind you. Open the third compartment and you will see a small string. Pull it open... Would you please bring me what’s inside?”

The King gave orders in a rare, broken voice. Judith, who was puzzled by his sudden words, immediately turned around and opened the third drawer he mentioned.

The inside was empty, but the end of a string was visible sticking out in a corner. When she pulled hard, she heard something click and the part she thought was the bottom was pushed back and opened. At that moment, Judith's eyes widened.

Secret spaces created separately in furniture were commonly found not only in the royal family but also in the mansions of nobles. Therefore, the reason Judith was surprised was not just because there was another space under the bottom. The object inside it surprised Judith.

“Your Majesty, this is..."

“Bring it here.”

Judith's fingertips trembled as she entered the drawer. She took out what was inside and walked up to th King with a complex expression on her face that seemed like she didn't know what to make.

What Judith took out was a picture frame. It was barely larger than the palm of one's hand, but it was enough to guess who the portrait on the other side of the blurred glass belonged to.

The woman, with auburn hair flowing down her shoulders, golden eyes that looked as gentle and warm as flames, and a chemise that subtly revealed the white nape of her neck, had a cozy smile on her face as if she was about to fall asleep, but she was extremely refreshing. The face staring straight ahead of bored striking resemblance to Franz.

“Do you recognize who it is?”

“...She is Her Majesty  the late Queen, right?”

The King smiled faintly.

“Yes, this is my Emerea. I also drew this picture.”

A dry, weak-looking fingertip carefully stroked the surface of the picture frame. At that moment, King Jedercayer seemed to have even forgotten the existence of Judith right next to him. He touched the blurred glass as if je was going to be sucked into the frame, or rather as if he wanted to be sucked in.

“Is she beautiful?”

Judith's eyes blinked thoughtfully.

“She is a very beautiful person. And...”

"And?"

“...I was a little surprised to see that she looked just like Prince Franz.”

“Is that so? Even when the Prince was young, everyone said that. Some people said that he wouldn’t grow up to resemble me, but it seems that wasn’t the case in the end.”

The King burst into laughter. But that smile didn't last long. Soon, the picture frame fell from the hand of the King, who was coughing violently.

Judith quickly brought him water and helped him drink. While she was carefully wiping his wet lips with a cloth, the King's gaze remained on Emerea's face in the frame. When he was looking at the portrait, his previously blurry eyes seemed to become a little more alive.

“I knew that the palace doctors were not giving me the right medicine.”

Judith felt all the nerves in her body stand on edge as he spoke those words with a sigh. What did she hear? She wasn't even sure if she understood it correctly.

"...You knew?”

"Yes. I didn't realize it at first, but eventually, I realized it. The doctors who diagnosed me all said that my illness was a mental illness. There was nothing wrong with the body. I knew it too.”

“If you knew... How on earth..."

The King's eyes became dull again, losing their focus. He stared silently at Judith, who was staring at him with disbelief, and whispered intermittently as if making an excuse.

“Because I didn’t want to stay awake.”

“...What do you mean by that?”

“After Emerea died, I... It was painful to breathe every day. Can you understand that?”

The King's eyes, looking up at Judith from an angle, were bleak and wet with a sickly shadow cast over them. When Judith could not continue speaking, the King let out a long sigh and picked up the picture frame he had dropped. Beyond the glass, Queen Emerea was still as beautiful and lovely as ever, but she was looking at the King with a somewhat sad expression.

“Even though Emerea disappeared, the world moved on like nothing happened, and I couldn’t stand the sun rising and setting.”

He experienced hell early on in the face of sudden bereavement. Amidst the pain that felt like a knife cutting through his entire body, the King realized the feeling of injustice for the first time in his life. It felt like his intestines would break. Even when he cries out Emerea's name as he puts his head in front of her portrait, and when he sobs, as if he were screaming in terrible helpless futility.

All the light that Emerea had, her fresh youth and warmth, her clear and gentle smile. He didn't want to believe that the countless images that had brought his feelings close to adoration were buried in the black dirt the moment she closed her eyes.

She's gone forever, and now he can never hug her shoulder again and hear her whisper in her sweet voice. Why doesn't the world end? He felt so wronged that he couldn't bear it. If he could, he wanted to go crazy and forget about it. Or he wanted to die.

“In the end, neither was something I could do on my own. That’s why I kept quiet, even though I knew the palace doctors were making me sleep longer and longer.”

“...”

“It’s probably not something you should know when you’re still young. But I had those years. It wasn’t that long, but it was probably enough to break me after losing Emerea.”

That cannot be known simply by living a long time. Judith's eyes shined brightly. She felt like she was going to shed tears, or she was going to scream out loud. Either way, it may have made no difference to the King. It certainly was until Judith said that.

“That was a foolish choice.”

The King's eyes looked back at Judith again.

“What did you say?”

“...It was a foolish choice. Your Majesty the late Queen would never have wanted to make the choice you made.”

“Yes, I guess so. I know her better than you. I know that it was not worthy of her praise.”

“While you were trying to abandon yourself, why did you not think about what your eldest son would suffer? Your Majesty would not have been able to do that if he had thought of humiliation.”

Judith's voice wavered. Tears slowly fell from Judith's eyes as she clenched her fists tightly.

It was unfair and sad. It was also pathetic.

If the King had loved the late Queen a little less, Franz would not have had to go through such a painful childhood.

But can love be blamed?

Judith cried because she could not point a finger at him, who had spent several years like a lifeless corpse, throwing himself into a deep sleep while struggling to forget his dead wife.

The King carefully wiped away Judith's reddened eyes as if he were saddened. He could not reprimand her because he did not understand her resentment.

“Don’t cry. If Franz resembles me in any way, wouldn’t he be angry and blame me for making his wife sad?”

“...”

At that time, a commotion was heard outside. The soldiers were muttering something, and then there was the sound of footsteps approaching toward the separate room as if the palace doctor was returning.

Judith hastily wiped away her tears and hid her expression. And he helped the King so that he could lie down again.

“I must make sure that His Majesty has regained consciousness for the time being.”

“...It seems like you have something on your mind.”

He tried to smile, but the King only frowned slightly. He had been asleep for so long that even the muscles in his face were difficult to move. Judith, who had gathered up the sheet, looked down for a moment at his hand, which was still holding the frame containing the late Queen's portrait, and covered it with the sheet with the frame in its entirety.

“From now on, I will continue to reduce the number of medications Your Majesty takes.”

“Are you going to keep me awake?”

“You should. You must do so for my sake.”

The King, who was looking up at the ceiling with an innocent face, closed his eyes without saying a word.

Judith hoped it meant permission. And, she also hoped that the King's acting would fool the doctors.

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