EIITAB - Chapter 127 < I'm Sorry, However >
Even if it is Trampled and Broken
Aslan bit down on the flesh in his mouth. Spring. Yes, he doesn't deny it. At one time, he obsessively talked about it as if it was his mission to bring back Kalathi's lost spring. But was that really, truly what he wanted?
It was only now that he finally realized it. A sense of duty and a desperate wish may seem similar at first glance, but their paths are different. Of course, it would be a good thing if spring returned to the Duchy of Kalathi.
But Aslan now knew that what he deeply desired was something else.
'I am...I hope Hestia lives. I hope to live properly, according to my will, without worrying about what anyone thinks.'
It's not about living by his dawn, even if he's not in this world...
He hopes she can smile and spend each day comfortably. If only someone could guarantee that, he would have been fine with not being able to see the beautiful sight with his own eyes.
If only Hestia could truly smile like that. It seemed like he was willing to make any sacrifice.
'Hestia wouldn't want my feelings like this.'
If she were a fool, she would consider his safety more important than her own. Aslan bit his lip hard with a bitter smile on his face. He doesn't know if she knows what's inside of him...
Hestia opened her mouth in a calm voice without wavering.
"Aslan, we still have time. So let's prepare together."
It was clearly understood that she would not go to the capital. Aslan responded in a gloomy tone as if retorting.
"If a second wave comes, I don't know when it will end. Afterward, you won't be able to go even if you want to."
If she was going to leave, she had to do it right now. That way, they will be able to reach the capital or at least get close to it before the winter gets worse.
He takes her to the capital and there he takes his vows. And he returns to the duchy alone, leaving her behind in the capital.
From the beginning, Aslan's plan was made with Hestia's safety as the top priority. But since leaving was a challenge, he felt like he had to change his plan.
'What if Hestia says she won't move until the end? As a last resort, should I send someone to retrieve the statue?'
Aslan gritted his teeth and rolled his head.
'But then we cannot guarantee Hestia's safety.'
For a woman who likes warm things, the cold wave that will come to Kalathi will definitely be harsh. Her body might be damaged.
He was so engrossed that a deep furrow appeared between his eyebrows. He let out a heavy breath. Perhaps because he was feeling impatient, his head was not working well. In the end, instead of finding a new way, he decided to try to change Hestia's mind.
"Hestia, I hope you are safe. I'm so sincere that if there's anything I want from you, that's all I want."
He did his best to persuade Hestia. Even if it's something he doesn't want to say For the sake of Hestia, he is willing to accept as much disapproval as possible.
"If you stay here, you die. You're going to die. And I can't tolerate that, I can't watch that."
He raised both his hands in front of her. Even when he first held the sword, when he faced alone while surrounded by a large group of demonic beasts, and even when he stood in front of the coffins of his father and close friends, his hands, which had never trembled, were trembling slightly.
"I'm scared."
He swallowed a sigh and pursed his lips at the same time. Then he clenched his fists tightly as if he wanted to hide the trembling of his hands.
The hands fell slowly and heavily and landed on his thighs again.
"It's still vivid. When you collapsed helplessly in my arms. How cold your skin was, how quickly it cooled."
His voice was rough as if he had chewed a handful of sand. Hestia, who had been quietly listening to his words, bit her lip several times and comforted him.
She never thought Aslan would worry about herself this much.
Honestly, she didn't know. There were times when he showed kindness, but even that was closer to bluntness, so it felt very unfamiliar to her the way he is now.
'That's why you were so worried about me!'
Since she couldn't directly see what she looked like while she was down, it was honestly difficult for her to deeply sympathize with what he said. So, rather than her own problems, Hestia was more concerned and hurt that this big man was kneeling in front of her.
"Aslan, don't blame yourself."
Hestia reflexively raised the corners of her mouth, intending to reassure Aslan.
"I'm really fine. Look, I'm fine."
"......."
Hestiq deliberately spoke in a cheerful and cheerful voice, but it seemed to be of no use.
After thinking for a moment, she looked at Aslan and asked insidiously.
"Do you want to hug me?"
"What?"
"I think it's because you don't feel real."
As soon as Hestia could answer, she pulled up the blanket and lowered her legs out of the bed. She lowered her upper body and cupped Aslan's cheek with her small hands. His face was lifted up obediently by the slight force. Hestia slowly tilted her head with her smiling face and captured his lips.
Her lightly bumping and falling kisses made him feel like something was missing.
"It's warm, right? How is it? Does it feel more real now?"
"....... Hestia."
Hestia smiled, but Aslan's expression remained stiff. She finally knew where his anxiety came from. Even though it was inevitable that she would lose her mind, as it was something that God had directly arranged. Aslan was consumed by his strong sense of self-reproach for not being able to protect Hestia. It was Hestia's will to drink Dulcinea's tea, but Aslan said that if he had blocked her from meeting Dulcinea from the beginning, this would not have happened.
It seemed like he was blaming himself for everything.
'Then what should I do?'
Hestia pursed her lips and thought for a moment. She thought that maybe accepting his apology obediently would be a good way to go.
Her hands, which were still cupping his face, began to move little by little. Hestia traced the outline of Aslan's lips, which had just touched hers, with her fingers. It felt like his body temperature, which was slightly higher than hers, was visible on her fingertips. Soon she opened her mouth in a quiet voice.
"Aslan. I think I'd be okay if I just heard you say sorry, but you can't do that?"
Before Hestia finished speaking, Aslan's lips opened.
"I'm sorry. However..."
There was no hesitation in putting words of apology into his mouth. He stared at Hestia for a moment before spitting out the next words.
"I love you."
At that moment, the sharp arsenic cut Aslan's lips. When Hestia heard his unexpected confession, Hestia's hand, which had been moving slowly and gently, stopped. She gazed deeply at him with her quivering eyes.
Looking at that, Aslan burst into dry laughter once more.
"I know it's shameless."
"..."
"I know very well that this is a confession made to put my mind at ease. However..."
His neck moved greatly. Unable to speak for a moment, he lowered his gaze slightly.
"When I thought about how close I was to losing you, I realized I couldn't just swallow it like a fool."
Each word, each word spoken with force, was heavy. From the moment Hestia heard that he loved her, she held her breath unconsciously. It was definitely her first time hearing this confession, but for some reason, it felt overly familiar.
Then, a beat later, she realized that it was the same stories she had heard in her subconscious. After she woke up, she didn't have time to think deeply.
At first glance, she thought lightly that her wish to be loved by him might have created such an auditory hallucination.
'You were there by my side!'
Hestia realized that she was able to return. Aslan's heavy confession continued.
"I have never forgotten you for even a single moment."
While Hestia was holding her breath, Aslan calmly continued to reveal his true feelings to her.
"Even after we broke up, I tried to forget you for a long time, but I couldn't. That's why I went to the capital every year and followed you with my eyes. Even though I'm angry that you don't see me... It was nice that I could see you."
A dry laugh came out of Aslan's lips as if it were a little vain.
"I didn't want to admit it, so even though I tried endlessly to deny it, there was nothing I could do about it."
His simple words made Hestia feel sick to her stomach. It's something she's wanted to hear from him for a long time. Somehow it didn't feel real.
Her hand, which was still on Aslan's face, began to slowly retract from its tip. As she looked like she was about to fall, Aslan lifted her arm and covered it with his large hand, It was as if he was telling her to don't leave him like this.
He looked at Hestia with dark eyes.
"Hestia, only you."
"....."
"I just need you."
As he breathed lightly, his large body shook. Aslan felt Hestia's movements in his hands a little more, and this time he stretched out his arms and hugged her slender body. Hestia felt as if her waist was getting hotter and hotter as she hugged him.
"Aslan."
Several times she tried to pull his broad shoulders away from her body. But despite all the force she put into it, the large body did not budge at all. Instead, he just hugged Hestia's slender waist even more tightly. Hestia took a short breath and finally gave up trying to take him away from herself.
Instead of pushing him away, her hands rested on his shoulders and slowly stroked him. But suddenly she heard the sound of wet breathing coming from him.
"Are you crying now?"
"..."
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